Raising Bella Whitlock
by thepinkcupcake
Summary: When Edward leaves in new moon, he doesn't forgive Jasper. As a result, Jasper is asked to leave the coven. His journey takes him back to Bella, who is being hunted by Victoria and her newborn army. With no way of contacting the Cullens, he is forced to change her to keep her safe. NOT a Jasper/Bella fic. E/B eventually. Full summary inside!
1. Chapter 1

AN:** This is my new story. I haven't forgotten about my others even though I've been missing for months. There's a full explanation (and apology) on my profile!**

**Summary: When Edward leaves in new moon, he can't forgive Jasper for attacking his mate. The family fall apart, and after a moment of weakness, Jasper is asked to leave their coven. A warning from another vampire sends Jasper on a journey around the country as he searches for Bella, who is being hunted by Victoria and her newborn army. With no way of contacting the Cullen's, Jasper is forced to take matters into his own hands and changes Bella to keep her safe. It will be a long journey, but Edward and Bella WILL be reunited. Be warned, they won't be reunited straight away, so if this isn't your thing... I've warned you in advance. I'll try not to drag it out, but I want it to be realistic, too. No cheating and definitely no Jasper/Bella pairings. Their relationship will be one of siblings only. **

**If you read on, then let me know what you think. P.S - thank you for all the INCREDIBLE messages I received while I was away. I missed you all too :-D**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just enjoy playing with SM's babies.**

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**BPOV:**

"_We have started our descent in preparation for landing. Please ensure that your seat backs and tray tables are in their upright position."_

It had been four months since Edward had left me. Four months since he had walked out of my life without as much as a backwards glance.

"_Please make sure your seat belt is securely fastened, and that_ _all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you."_

The pain never got any easier. No matter how much time passed, I would always love him… and hate him, too.

"_Please switch off any electronic devices you may have. __Be advised that it is currently twenty-seven minutes past nine. Welcome to Seattle–Tacoma International Airport."_

The moment that he pressed his ice-cold lips to my forehead and fled, something vital - something buried deep inside me _died_. I had opened my eyes, knowing that he wasn't there anymore, yet I could still feel his lips against my brow. His freezing touch and equally cold words seeped into my bones and left me feeling numb. I stood there in the forest for an immeasurable period of time, without formulating a single rational thought.

To this day I couldn't remember how I got back to Charlie's house, but I remember walking into my bedroom. I remembered smelling his vital scent that lingered on everything he had touched.

For the first three weeks after his departure, I was desperate. I scoured the internet for any sign or trace of his whereabouts, but of course, the Cullen's prided themselves on their discretion. If they didn't want to be found, they could make themselves disappear without a trace. It was that single thought that sobered me. I wasn't just searching for a man who didn't want to be found, I was searching for a man who didn't want to be found by _me._ _I_ was the reason he had left. Even if I found him, nothing would change. He didn't want me anymore. He had made that perfectly clear. So after weeks of frantic searching, I just… _stopped._

Even though I had given up any hope of finding Edward, I didn't simply move on as she had asked me to. Instead, I dropped out of high school, packed a bag and left Forks, too. Charlie had been furious when he heard what I was doing, but now that I was eighteen, there was nothing that he could do to stop me and he knew it.

For three and a half months I had drained my entire college fund as I travelled up and down the country. I never formulated a plan or chose any destinations in advance. I simply stayed in one place until I was bored, before climbing into my truck and moving on to a new location. The only precaution I took was to make sure that I always had enough money to get home again, if I needed to.

That was how I had found myself on a plane back to Forks. My old, red truck had finally wheezed its last breath when I was driving through Ohio, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night. In that moment, I had two choices; I could use the last of my money to fix my truck and continue my journey, or I could cash in my open-ended ticket and crawl back to Forks with my tail between my legs.

It was a no-brainer, really. My truck would cost more to fix than it was actually worth and I didn't want to leave myself in a position where I couldn't afford to stay in a motel each night. Travelling was a decent distraction from the pain, but I knew that it would lose its appeal if I was forced to sleep in my truck every night.

So here I was, sitting on a plane at nine thirty in the evening, hoping to sneak into Forks without my Father even noticing.

I had deliberately timed my journey so that I would arrive at his house while he was at work. I wasn't staying. I was only going to be in Forks long enough to pick up the information that I needed to access the small savings account that Renee had set up for me as a child. There wasn't much in there, but it would tide me over for a few months.

If I was _really_ lucky, I could be in and out of Forks without Charlie ever knowing that I had been there.

"Miss? We've landed."

My head snapped to the right and met the gaze of a stewardess who was looking at me worriedly. _How long had she been calling my name?_

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I grabbed my small bag and slid out of my seat. I buttoned my coat all the way up to my neck and stumbled along the jet-way. I wasn't even outside yet and already I could feel the cold seeping into me. I was ushered through the gate by a bored looking blonde who obviously wasn't being paid to smile. She gave me vague directions to the luggage carousel and walked away without a backwards glance. Yeah, I don't want to be here, either.

The second I stepped into the main terminal, I felt a hand on the small of my back. I clenched my fist and drew in a deep breath, fully prepared to lecture whoever it was on the discipline of respecting personal boundaries.

"Isabella Marie Swan, where the _hell_ have you been?"

I spun on the spot and turned towards the angry voice. I recognised it immediately and wondered if coming here had finally caused me to lose my mind.

"Jasper?" I whispered. "What are you _doing_ here?"

He shook his head and urged me forward with his hand again, steering me towards the exit. "I think the more serious question is why you_ weren't_ here?" He spat. "I've been looking for you for _months_, Bella. I've been going out of my God damn mind!"

I blanched at the tone of his voice and stopped on the spot. In the short time that I had known Jasper, I had never once heard him raise his voice. He had always been so polite – a little indifferent, maybe, but he was always a gentleman. "I l-left," I stammered under his piercing gaze. "I left Forks just a few weeks after you did. This is the first time that I've been home."

"What the hell were you _thinking_?" He growled. "Do you have _any_ idea what could have happened to you? Do you not realise…" His voice trailed off into a pained croak and he shook his head slowly. "You can't stay here, Bella," headed quietly.

I bristled and squared my shoulders. It had never been my intention to stay longer than it took to find the details regarding my savings account, but Jasper didn't know that. As far as he was concerned Forks was my _home._ I could live anywhere I damn well pleased and no _vampire_ was going to tell me otherwise! I opened my mouth to let rip, but he held his hand up to silence me. His gaze snapped away from my face and he stared unseeingly into the crowds. He tilted his head to the side and hissed.

"Fuck," he growled, lowly. "Bella, we have to get out of here. We have to leave. Now."

"But my bag," I stammered, pointing towards the luggage carousel. "I haven't collected my bag."

"There's nothing in that bag that is worth more than your life, Bella."

He didn't give me a chance to answer him. He growled and swept me into his arms, carrying me bridal style through the crowds.

"Put me down, Jasper Whitlock!" I yelled. My hands pummelled his chest, pointlessly. I knew that I couldn't hurt him, but I was trying to get my point across. For a southern gentleman, he was sorely lacking in the manners department. "If you eat me, I swear that I will spend all of eternity following you around and driving you _crazy_!" I added in a hushed whisper. I was cross with him, yes, but I wasn't going to expose his secret in front of all these people.

"Be quiet," he hissed, grabbing both of my hands in one of his own. His step didn't falter as he weaved through the throng of holiday-makers. He carried me along as though I weighed nothing at all. "Bella stop it! You have no idea what sort of danger you are in, so please, even if you only do it this once, just _trust_ me."

I stilled, feeling fear creep into my bones. Being eaten by Jasper was certainly something to fear, but for him to be scared enough to run away? That was something else entirely. I nodded gently, in a silent vow of trust and tucked my head into his chest, sheltering myself from the harsh wind that had crept through my clothes the moment we stepped out of the airport. His hold on me shifted and I felt _warm_ as my body was deposited gently onto something soft. I opened my eyes and found that he had placed me inside a car. He didn't give me time to ask any questions, though. He turned on the engine and floored the accelerator.

"Don't put you seatbelt on," he whispered. "I need to be able to get you out of here in a hurry if this goes badly."

"If _what_ goes badly? Jasper you're scaring me!"

"We're being followed, Bella," He explained in a hurried whisper. "_You're_ being followed." His eyes didn't deviate from the road but I could see him utilising all of his supernatural abilities in an attempt to keep the car upright at such a high speed.

"W-who?" I stammered. "Who is following me?"

He shook his head and gripped onto the steering wheel a little tighter. I heard the expensive Italian leather groan under the strength of his grasp. "Victoria has put a price on your head, Bella," he whispered. "She is furious that we killed James. She's vowed not to stop until she can enact her revenge on us."

"But, I didn't kill James," I stammered. "I was too weak to do anything to help."

"A mate for a mate," he mumbled. "She sees it as justifiable retaliation."

My breath came out in a huff and I froze, unblinking, as I tried to digest what I had just been told. Victoria was here? In Washington?

"Did Alice see this happening? Is that why you're here?"

He scoffed and growled at me. "No, Bella, your precious _Alice_ didn't see this. Believe it or not I came here because I was trying to protect you. My decision had nothing to do with Alice, _or_ her visions. "

My eyes widened at the vitriol and hate that spewed from his mouth when he hissed his wife's name. I wanted to ask him why he was so angry, but honestly, I was a little scared of him right now. Instead, I nodded and sank back into my seat, trying to calm my heart, which was beating a furious staccato rhythm against my rib cage. He must have sensed my fear, because a moment later, a wave of calm enveloped me.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you, Bella," he whispered. "I was just worried about you. You have no idea how close you were to Victoria in that airport."

"She was actually _there_? In the terminal?"

"She was there," he admitted lowly. "She has been trying to track you down for as long as I have. The moment that you stepped onto that plane in Ohio, you gave yourself away."

I forgot my earlier trepidation and rounded on him. "How did you know that I was in Ohio? How did _she_ know that?"

"It was Laurent who first warned me about Victoria," he murmured, glancing in his rear-view mirror. "I bumped into him in Alaska and he told me that she had tracked him down. She wanted his help. He refused her request and asked her to leave. He's mated to Irina Denali, now. She's one of my _cousins_."

"I know who she is," I interrupted him. "Edward told me about their coven."

"Good. That will make this much easier then," he answered. He offered me a small smile that looked almost apologetic, before continuing. "If Edward was here, he would probably forbid me from telling you this. He always did insist on sheltering you."

I stiffened and turned my nose up. "Well Edward isn't here, is he?" I sneered, uncharitably. Fantastic. Apparently I was a bitter harpy now, too. Jasper laughed in agreement.

"That's true, little darlin'," He chuckled. "He is most definitely not here."

"So you'll tell me then?" I pressed.

"Sure, but don't expect me to sugar-coat it. We're in serious shit here, Bella. You deserve to know the truth." He paused and drew in a breath before shrugging. "Victoria has created an army of newborn vampires, Bella. When she created them, she thought that we were still in Forks. She believed that she needed an army to defeat our family. Once we were gone, there would be nothing to stop her from getting to you."

"Oh my God…"

"Quite," he drawled. "I'm glad that you understand the gravity of the situation." He paused and swallowed convulsively. I didn't dwell of how hard it must have been to be trapped in a car with my scent wafting around him. Smelling my fear in the air would only make it harder on him. "That was three months ago. Since then, she has been utilising any and all means to track you down. You weren't in Forks, but I know for a fact that she visited your mother in Jacksonville."

"What?" I screeched in panic. "How do you know that?"

"Because I was there, too," he whispered. "As soon as Laurent warned me, I went with him to the Denali coven. I was hoping that they would be able to tell me where Carlisle and his coven are."

My eyes widened in confusion and I opened my mouth to question him, but Jasper held his hand up to silence me. "I'll get to that in a minute," he interrupted.

"Okay," I whispered, "Go on."

"The Denali's don't know where Carlisle is. They have relocated twice since we left you. At first, we fled to our home in Alaska. We only keep it for use in an emergency. It's so far out in the wilderness that none of us like to stay there for too long. It was just a temporary house to run to if we needed to make a quick escape."

"What happened?"

"Well, after I _left_ their coven, they moved again. Before you ask, I have no idea where they live now. They didn't exactly give me a forwarding address," he muttered sourly. I wanted to question him, but I knew that he would tell me when he was ready, so I let it go – for the time being. "Time passes differently for our kind, Bella. Four months is nothing. Eventually, Carlisle will inform the Denali's of their new location, but it probably won't be any time soon. We often go years without making contact with them."

"You don't have Carlisle's phone number?" I enquired quietly.

"Every time we move, we change numbers, too," he whispered. "It has to be a clean break. We can't ever take any chances."

I nodded, but stayed silent. I had a feeling that his story was only just beginning.

"The Denali's didn't know where Carlisle and his coven are, so my choices were severely limited. I couldn't just _ignore_ what I had heard, so I went back to Forks to warn you. I'm sure that you can imagine my surprise when I arrived there to discover that you had left town a few weeks before."

"Oops," I shrugged. I tried to stifle my giggle but was unsuccessful. Eventually, Jasper let out an unwilling chuckle of his own.

"It was a Friday night when I arrived. It didn't seem unusual that you hadn't come home from school. I just assumed that you were staying with a friend for the night. I checked Angela's house, and then Jessica's, but you weren't there. I even checked Lauren Mallory's house, as unlikely as that scenario seemed."

"Not even if I was homeless, Jasper," I informed him. "That girl _hates_ me. What happened after that?"

"I went back to Charlie's and waited in the treeline for a week to keep an eye on him. If I couldn't protect you, then at least I could watch over your father."

"Thank you," I whispered sincerely. I suddenly felt awful for ever leaving my father in the first place. "Thank you for keeping him safe."

"After your birthday party, it was the least that I could do, Bella," he whispered. "You never came home. I started to panic, thinking that Victoria had found you. I scoured the surrounding forest, looking for any trace of your scent, but there was nothing there. The only scent I came across was Victoria's. You can't imagine my relief the first time I smelled it. If she was still in forks, then she didn't have you. I hadn't failed yet."

He turned back onto the freeway and sped up, going far faster than was legal. "Eventually, I had to accept the fact that you weren't coming home. Your school records said that you had dropped out of school. I didn't think that you would just _quit_, so I assumed that you had gone back to Florida to live with your mother. I took a plane straight there."

"Did you talk to her?" I whispered, feeling suddenly homesick.

"No," he murmured, "I didn't even go into the house. As soon as I stepped into her front yard, I picked up on three recurring scents, none of which were yours. One belonged to your step-father, Phil. The second to your mother. The third…"

"Victoria," I gasped. "Did _she_ go into the house?"

He nodded slowly and I felt my eyes well with tears. She had been _so_ close to Renee. She could have _killed_ her… and I wouldn't have even _known._

"I don't think that she is going back there, Bella. By the time I arrived in Jacksonville, her scent was already fading. She hadn't been there in a few days at least."

"So you came back to Forks?"

"I did," he conceded. "By this point, I realised that you probably wouldn't be going back there, but I wanted to stay local just in case." He seemed a little shy all of a sudden and I raised my eyebrows at him in question.

"I broke into your house," he whispered. "I'm sorry, but I had to leave for a few days to go to Seattle and I wanted to leave a note in your room, telling you to call me. As I said, I was sure that you weren't coming back, but I left my number on your pillow just in case. After I did that, I went to Seattle to visit a man named Jason Jenks."

I vaguely recalled the name, but I wasn't certain. "The man who forges all of your fake passports?"

"Edward told you?" He hissed in disbelief.

"Alice, actually," I smiled.

"Damn woman always did have a loose tongue," he mumbled. "But essentially, yes. Jason Jenks is often hired by our family when we need to indulge in activates that aren't strictly _legal_. I asked him to hack into a certain government website so that I could get your passport number. I wanted to be the first to know if you boarded a flight so that I could intercept you at the other end."

"Efficient," I smiled, thinking of his abduction earlier this evening.

"Essential," he countered. "Clearly Victoria had the same idea. She arrived at the airport just a few minutes after I did. She came exceptionally close to getting to you, too," he mused.

"How close?" I whispered, feeling sheer terror run through me.

"She tried to grab you, Bella," he growled. "That was why I picked you up and carried you out of the airport. She was less than an inch from you."

"Oh my God," I mouthed. "I had no idea."

"Well you're safe at the moment, Bella. We lost her on the freeway."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and moved a little closer to Jasper. It was strange. Even though he had tried to kill me the last time that I had seen him, I felt – _safe_ with him now.

"So what happens now?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I've checked every Cullen home in the United States. All of them are empty. They're probably in Europe, somewhere. London is quite cloudy. They might have gone there. I'll have to take us to a safe house and try to track them down."

"But you said that you left their coven, Jasper," I whispered. "Are you going back to them?"

"No," he said, automatically. "I'll take you to them and then I'll leave. I don't want to be with them and I'm certainly not welcome in their family anymore."

"I'm not welcome in their family either, Jasper," I reminded him gently. He raised his eyebrows and chuckled.

"You are, Bella. Believe me when I say that they want you there. It would be the highlight of their very boring lives." He laughed in disdain, but I scowled.

"I don't much fancy being a source of their amusement again," I grouched. "I'm a person, not a _thing._ I won't be picked up and put down as it suits them… and I'm certainly not going to run to them begging for their help. I have _some_ pride left. They haven't managed to strip me of that yet."

Jasper's laughter stopped abruptly and his foot lifted off the gas, slowing us down abruptly. "You _believed_ him!" He yelled. "The sanctimonious asshole actually made you _believe_ him!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about…" I admitted.

"Oh Bella," he chuckled. "Tighten your seat-belt. I'm about to take you on a _voyage_ of truths…."

Fifteen minutes later, I was still reeling in shock, Jaspers words were playing over and over in my mind and I couldn't shut them out.

'_He was scared, Bella.'_

'_He lied to you.' _

'_He does love you.'_

'_Vampires mate for life. You're it for him.'_

'_He will never love another.'_

'_He broke his own heart to keep you safe.'_

'_He truly believes that he did the right thing.'_

'_He's miserable.'_

'_He hates me.'_

'_He regrets his decision to leave you.'_

'_You're his mate.'_

"Bella?" Jasper asked tentatively. "Little darlin', are you okay?"

I took in a deep, stuttering breath and tried to quell my nausea. "That self-righteous bastard!" I screeched. "That smug, self-satisfied, conceited dick!"

Jasper jumped from the volume of my voice, but thankfully didn't try to alter my mood. I'm fairly certain that I would have swung for him if he had tried. "Calm down, little one," he crooned. "Don't get yourself worked up. It'll do you no good."

I nodded, but internally I was _seething_. How dare he assume that it was okay to make decisions for me? How could he break my heart so completely, without even talking to me first? Jasper had told me that Edward felt like he didn't have any other choice but to leave me. Well I didn't buy it. He had another choice. He could have fucking _changed_ me. He could have listened to my voice and heard my pleas and understood that it was what I _wanted._ We could have been together right now, enjoying the beginning of our forever. Instead, I was stuck inside a speeding tin box with a man who wanted to eat me, while we outran a woman who wanted to torture me.

If I ever see Edward Cullen again, I'm going to fucking kill him.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Just to clear things up and re-warn everyone. This will not be a quick reunion with the Cullen's. It will happen eventually, but to be honest, I'm tired of Bella being such a sap! I want her to find her own place in the world without needing Edward by her side issuing rules and setting restrictions. They will get their happily ever after though and hopefully be a stronger couple after being separated for so long.**

**Also, I'm really looking forward to developing a friendship between Bella and Jasper. He always seemed to be set aside from the rest of the family. If I do this right, Jasper will become not only Bella's sire, but also her friend and brother. They are going to face some tough times together and form bonds that no one could ever divide. I think that Jasper will flourish now that he isn't being constantly watched by the Cullen's. ****I want to give him his chance to shine.**

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Recap:

I nodded, but internally I was _seething_. How dare he assume that it was okay to make decisions for me? How could he break my heart so completely, without even talking to me first? Jasper had told me that Edward felt like he didn't have any other choice but to leave me. Well I didn't buy it. He had another choice. He could have fucking _changed_ me. He could have listened to my voice and heard my pleas and understood that it was what I _wanted._ We could have been together right now, enjoying the beginning of our forever. Instead, I was stuck inside a speeding tin box with a man who wanted to eat me, while we outran a woman who wanted to torture me.

If I ever see Edward Cullen again, I'm going to fucking kill him.

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"Being frozen at seventeen has its disadvantages," Jasper whispered from my left. "He has the same mentality that he adopted in his human life. In a way, he is still a petulant teenager. His choices are child-like, because technically, he is still a child. The rest of us were a little older when we were changed, but those few years made a real difference. I was a boy at seventeen, and Edward still is one to this day."

I mulled over his comment but offered him no answer. Edward may have been a 'boy', but that didn't give him the right to dictate my entire life to me. I'm older than he was when he was changed. Surely I was old enough to know my own mind? I wanted him to change me so that we could be together forever without fear or restrictions... but he took that decision out of my hands. To me, that was unforgivable.

"Where are we?" I whispered, when I felt the car slow to a crawl.

"We're at my home in Oregon," he answered quietly. "I bought it a few decades ago as a temporary safe house for Alice if we ever needed to run. There isn't much in this world that we have to fear other than exposure, but there is also the Volturi to consider. If we ever gave them reason to end us, this house would have been where I hid Alice while I planned our escape. Emmett and Carlisle have similar houses in place for their mates. No one knows about this one but me. We don't disclose their locations to each other. It's safer this way…"

He jumped out of the car and came around to my door, offering me his cold hand as I climbed out. I glanced at the house, but couldn't see much in the darkness. It seemed to be a large wooden cabin.

"Come on, let's get you inside and out of the snow."

He took my hand before leading me inside the darkened cabin and closing the door behind us. We may have been out of the snow, but I honestly couldn't tell the difference. The house seemed just as cold as the yard had been. I ran my fingers along the wall, trying to locate a light switch and Jasper chuckled at me through the darkness.

"There's no electricity at the cabin, Bella. We have no need for it for a short term stay," he laughed. "Stay there. I'll go and find some candles."

A few seconds later, the whole room was lit in a warm orange glow. Candles were ignited all around the cabin much faster than my weak, human eyes could follow, but they gave me enough light to stumble over to one of the old couches that dominated the room. He didn't respond to my movement, instead he took his time building a fire in the old brick fireplace. I was eternally grateful for this as the cabin was absolutely _freezing_. He disappeared from my sight and re-emerged almost instantly with a thick, silk blanket.

"Thank you," I smiled. I was surprised that Jasper even _knew_ that I would be cold. It had always been Edward, Alice and Esme who had fussed over me. Jasper had kept his distance and never shown any interest in human habits at all.

"Alice used to always worry about you being cold," he mumbled, fisting his hands in his pockets. "She kept a blanket in every room just in case."

"She did," I remembered fondly. "Then again, Alice had her work cut out for her when it came to me. It's not easy having a human for a friend."

"No," he whispered. "It's not. I always found it…_hard._ I couldn't cope as well as everyone else."

"I think you did admirably given the circumstances," I conceded quietly. He scoffed loudly and scowled at me.

"I tried to _kill_ you, Bella, and if my brothers hadn't intervened, I would have succeeded."

"That's true," I accepted. "But you weren't yourself, Jasper. You were in a raging haze of bloodlust at the time."

"Bloodlust _is_ who I am, Bella," he retaliated. "I'm a _vampire_. Something you've never been able to grasp!" He ran his hands through his hair in a manner that was so similar to Edward. "I'll never understand how you formed such a close relationship with Alice. For as long as I live, it will always remain a mystery to me."

"Why?" I queried. "What is it that you don't understand?"

"Everything!" He hissed. He had never looked more like a vampire than he did in that moment. "When you discovered that she was a vampire, one of two logical things should have happened. Either _you_ should have run away screaming, or _she_ should have eaten you."

"My friendship with Alice is complicated, and we both had to make allowances. She had to deal with her thirst around me. She had to put up with the fact that I needed to sleep and eat regularly. She had to adjust to my slow speed and clumsiness, and in return, I had to deal with the fact that at any given moment, she could kill me."

"You knew this, and yet you sought each others company anyway? Knowing the limitations and the dangers, you continued your friendship?"

"Yes," I answered simply.

"Why?" He mouthed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Because we each found something in the other that made the ordeal worth it," I murmured. "If you take away the humanity and the carnage and the bloodlust, we're just Alice and Bella. Two teenage girls who value each other for _who_ we are, not _what_ we are. My friendship with Alice meant so much to me. It outweighed any fear I had for my life. She was _worth_ that fear, Jasper. Or at least, that's how it felt to me," I finished sadly. It hurt to think about how easily she had cast me aside. I focused on remembering the good times, rather than the bad.

"She misses you, Bella," Jasper whispered, drawing my attention back to him. "She misses you more than you know."

I scoffed disbelievingly and twirled the blanket through my fingers. "If you say so," I mumbled. "So, are you going to tell me what you're doing all alone instead of being with the Cullen's? I still can't believe that you _left_ them. That you left _Alice._"

"Not through choice, darlin'," he muttered. "Carlisle asked me to leave."

Blank shock flared through my small frame. I tried to picture any scenario that would cause Carlisle to dismiss one of his children, but I simply couldn't imagine it. Carlisle was the most compassionate, forgiving creature I had ever encountered. "Why?" I mouthed. "I don't understand…"

My easy dismissal of his explanation seemed to anger Jasper, and he stood up, clenching his fists by his sides. I recognised his stance, having seen Edward use the same one many times before. He was fighting the urge to slip into a crouch. It was a vampire's most predatory position. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. I wouldn't fare any better in this situation if Jasper had to listen to my thundering heart and smell my fear permeating through the air.

"Well you wouldn't do, Bella," he snarled. "You weren't _there_. You didn't see what leaving you in Forks did to the family!"

"Explain it to me, then, Jasper," I said calmly. He was absolutely right. I really didn't understand. I didn't want to be accusatory, but I couldn't help but think that Jasper must have really pissed Carlisle off in order for him to force him to leave. He must have done something awful…

"The moment we arrived in Alaska, the whole family fell apart. Edward locked himself in his room and refused to talk or hunt. He never outright said the words, but I know that he blames me for everything. Alice does, too. She's angry at Edward for leaving you, but she also blames me for my lack of control. I could feel it radiating off both of them in waves."

He sat down on the plush armchair and proceeded to absentmindedly rip the material with is fingertips. "Esme is depressed like you wouldn't believe. She feels like she has lost a daughter_._ Carlisle feels the same. Emmett hardly talks anymore and Rosalie is fuming because Emmett is upset. The whole family just… fell apart."

I shook my head and sat forward, moving closer to Jasper. "But that doesn't explain why Carlisle asked you to leave."

He sighed and threw his head back, leaning it against the wall behind him. "You have to understand how difficult my gift is, Bella. I can cope when the people around me are happy. When they feel joy, so do I."

"But they weren't happy," I surmised. He chuckled sarcastically and scrunched his eyes shut.

"No, Bella," He whispered. "They were so far from happy. For weeks I felt nothing but loss, heartache, disappointment, anger and pain from all of them – and all of it was directed at _me_. No single person is designed to withstand and feel the negative emotions from so many and not expect side effects. I should have removed myself from the situation, but I didn't want to leave Alice."

_Alice. _Her name sent a painful spasm through my chest and I saw Jasper wince as he felt my errant emotion. "I'm sorry," I apologised. "What happened?"

"I left the house for a few hours. It had been a really bad day, Bella. Alice and Rosalie were screaming at each other over something innocuous as usual… they were just so _angry._ I had to get away from them before I projected their ire onto the whole household. My sanity was _literally_ hanging on by a thread. All those emotions, Bella. It was too much. I don't expect you to understand-"

"Then show me," I interrupted. "Show me what they were forcing you to feel."

His eyes widened and he shook his head rapidly. "I can't – I can't do that to you, Bella. It wouldn't be fair."

"It isn't fair that you have to endure it at all, Jasper," I reasoned. "I won't be able to relate to your feelings if I don't understand what you were going through."

I sent him a wave of pure determination and he grimaced, casually observing me for several minutes in complete stillness, assessing the sincerity of my emotions and expression. Eventually, he paused and his expression softened. "Are you sure?" His voice was barely a whisper and he seemed almost child-like.

"I'm sure, Jasper," I promised him. "Show me."

He nodded one final time before closing his eyes shut. "Prepare yourself, Bella. This won't be pleasant."

I had maybe one single second of sweet unawareness before a maelstrom of emotions crashed through me. Wave after wave of pure _agony_ infiltrated my skin to such a depth, that I thought I would go mad with the pain of it. Jasper had told me which emotions I was feeling, but I couldn't see through the torture to try and differentiate between them. My whole body shook and my tongue tasted bitter. I opened my eyes but all I could see was darkness. Jasper and the cabin had disappeared completely - everything was just _black_.

Then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone again. My vision was restored, but I couldn't slow my heart rate. The emotions weren't being projected onto me anymore, but I could still _feel_ them. If his projections had been fiery flames, then the aftermath of emotions were the embers, flickering, pillaging and burning through my entire body. I gasped a desperate breath and pushed myself up from the floor. I didn't remember falling down, but I don't think that it was possible to concentrate on _anything_ when you're being forced to feel that much undiluted pain.

I stood up and clenched my fists at my sides, concentrating on my task with every shred of determination that I possessed. "Hold your breath," I spat at him through clenched teeth.

"What?" He asked in complete confusion. "Why?"I watched him close his mouth and freeze in complete stillness. He had stopped breathing.

I took a tentative step towards him and sent him a massive wave of trust, hoping that he would understand. _I'm moving closer and I'm trusting you not to kill me. _His eyes widened, but he didn't move away. I took another timid step, placing myself directly in front of him. I sent him another wave of emotion – uncertainty, this time, hoping that he would understand _this_, too. _I'm coming even closer. If you're uncomfortable, then move. _Again, he remained frozen on the spot. I took a final step and closed the distance between us completely. My arms wrapped themselves around his waist and I squeezed him as hard as I could. It would feel feather light to him, but hopefully the warmth and affection would tell him what my strength couldn't. _That I'm sorry._

His arms stayed firmly locked by his side and I wasn't sure if he was uncomfortable with me touching him in general, or because he was a vampire. I didn't let my embarrassment linger for long, though. That wasn't the primary emotion that I wanted him to feel. I concentrated as hard as I could and focused on what I really wanted him to feel radiating from me. I sent wave after wave of regret and remorse. I sent understanding and affection; acceptance and love.

I sent one final wave of trust before slowly burying my face into his neck and exposing my own neck to his razor sharp teeth. If this didn't show him how I felt, then nothing ever would. "I am so sorry," I whispered. "So sorry, Jasper."

I felt him stiffen and knew that he had reached his limit. I unwound my arms and moved away slowly, not wanting to trigger his predatory instincts. Edward had always told me never to run from a vampire. It made us feel like _prey_. I slowly took a seat back on the couch and tucked my feet underneath me. "I'm sorry for hurting you. For being selfish and not even considering how my emotions would affect you. I had… _no_ idea…"

I watched him swallow convulsively before loosening his stance.

"Thank you, Bella," he breathed. "No one has ever…" He trailed off and glanced out of the huge glass wall. "I can understand, now, why Edward was so fascinated with you. He was right. You are a confounding young lady, Miss Swan. I hate to quote him, but you never say what I expect."

I let out a short bubble of laughter and nodded. "I have heard that from time to time," I admitted through my giggles. The tension in the room thickened as we both realised that he hadn't finished his story. A horrible part of me realised that we probably hadn't even reached the bad part, yet.

"I get the feeling that there is _more_ to this story," I hinted, hoping that he would continue. He smirked and shook his head.

"I don't want to tell you," he admitted quietly. "I don't want to reveal the worst part of myself to you… But then again, you have _already_ experienced the worst part of me. You saw my true colours for yourself on your birthday – and yet you're still here. You still sit next to me willingly. You _hugged_ me willingly."

"I'm still here," I smiled in reassurance.

"You're the only human that I have hunted, who has ever lived to tell the tale, Bella," he frowned. "Does that not disturb you?"

I pondered his question and blinked at him, nonplussed. "It makes me thankful that your brothers were able to restrain you long enough for you to remember who you really are," I admitted in a whisper.

"I am a vampire, Bella. That's who I really am."

"You are," I conceded. "But you're also a human man_._"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there is Jasper Cullen. He has razor sharp teeth and fights the urge to nibble on anything with a pulse. He raised and trained newborn vampires and fought in the Southern wars... But then there is Jasper _Whitlock_. A nineteen year old, southern gentlemen who loves his wife and fetches silk blankets for his human friend when she's cold. The two are conflicting opposites, both fiercely fighting for dominance. By rights, the vampire should win every time. He is stronger... a predator, whose instincts command him to kill and maim. Yet, I've only met that man once – on my birthday. Every other time, Jasper Whitlock has prevailed. The human in you beat the vampire time and time again. Despite his fragility, he has battled the predator and buried him deep in the confines of the body you inhabit together."

I untucked my feet and pulled my knees up to my chest. "You all tell me how much I confound you – that my instincts are way off and that I have no sense of self-preservation. But it's _you_ who confounds _me._ Each of you made the choice to abstain from human blood for no other reason other than your conscience telling you to protect those who you should want to destroy. Have you ever stopped to consider how bizarre that is? Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful that you do… but logic dictates that you shouldn't. Humans are your natural food source. To every other vampire, hunting is instinctual. You must have been extraordinary people as humans, to have so much compassion for us now, in your vampire life."

I inhaled a desperate breath and chanced a glance a t Jasper, who was staring at me as though he had never seen me before. "Thank you, Bella," he murmured. "That means more to me than you know."

"It's just how I feel," I admitted.

"I know. I can feel it. It gives me… _hope_."

"For what?" I puzzled.

"For your understanding, Bella. My story isn't over yet and it only gets worse from here."

"I promise to hear you out," I vowed. He nodded and coughed, weakly. It must have been a human trait that he carried with him into his afterlife. Vampires had no need to clear their throat. It was amusing to watch. He quickly caught my attention again when he resumed his story.

"As I said earlier, I was hunting. I thought that maybe if I had fresh blood. Sorry-"

"Don't apologise, Jasper. It's who you are," I reassured him. "Go on."

"I thought that if I had access to fresh blood, I might feel better. The emotions that I showed you earlier were constant, Bella. I felt them from everyone and I didn't have an escape. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran into the wilderness in Alaska and let my guard down without checking my surroundings before I began my hunt."

He paused and rubbed his hands over his face. "My natural instincts took over," he whispered. "It wasn't until the bloodlust receded that I realised I had killed a man." I didn't need to have the gift of empathy to feel his shame. His eyes were beseeching – _pleading_ with me to understand. "I didn't mean to, Bella, I swear it. I vowed never to willingly drink human blood again and I meant it. Accidents happen of course, but this wasn't even a slip-up. I don't even remember catching his scent on the wind! One minute I was running through the woods and the next, I was cradling his body."

His voice trembled and drifted off into a low croak. He lowered his head and buried it into his hands, concealing his face from me entirely.

_'I vowed never to willingly drink human blood again and I meant it.'_

_'I didn't mean to, Bella, I swear it.'_

_'I don't even remember catching his scent on the wind!'_

His speech ran over and over through my mind and I desperately tried to place myself in his position. I knew what emotions he had been feeling and in my opinion, that was more than enough to warrant a mistake like this, but to add _bloodlust _to his list of problems? Unless he projected those feeling onto you, you could never really appreciate how hard it was to suffer. It was _agonising. _Poor Jasper. He should never had been forced to endure this alone.

"What does bloodlust feel like, Jasper? Is that something that you can project onto me?"

He raised his head slowly and gazed at me with a tortured expression. "Why would you ask me to do that to you? It _hurts_, Bella."

"So that I can understand what you were going through that day in the forest. Unless I feel it for myself, my words are empty. I can't understand unless I've experienced it," I whispered.

He shrugged and waved his hand dismissively. "As you wish."

I sprang from my seat and scanned the room. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, but I wanted to get to it. I _needed _to get to it. My throat burst into flames and I growled a menacing, unnatural sound, deep in my chest.

"Easy, Bella," a voice beckoned to me from my right. "Calm down, little one."

I hissed at the voice and launched myself towards it. Whoever they were, they were getting in the way – preventing me from reaching whatever it was that I was searching for. The thing that I needed most.

I flew through the air and drew back my hand, intending to tackle the voice. As soon as I made contact, I instinctively lowered my teeth to their neck and bit as hard as I could.

Pain shot through my jaw and I winced, pulling away from the voice.

"Shit," the voiced cursed lowly. "Bella, are you okay? Concentrate on my voice, little one. Come back to me now."

I shook my head, dazed, and tried to focus my eyes on the blur in front of me. Eventually, they honed in on Jasper, who was watching me with a smirk. My hands were fisted into his hair and I had wrapped my legs around his waist. It was then that I realised what I had done.

"Son of a bitch," I breathed. I unlocked my legs and slid down his frame, clinging onto him until I could steady my feet on the floor. "_That_ was bloodlust?" I mouthed. He nodded and rubbed his hands over his neck.

"Are you okay, Bella? Did you hurt your teeth?"

I ran my tongue over them and grimaced. "Did I really _bite_ you?"

He let out a bark of sharp laughter and muffled it with his hand. "You did," he chuckled. "You would make a fearsome newborn, Miss Swan."

"Oh God," I groaned in embarrassment. I sank into my seat and refused to look at him. How on earth did any of them manage to control themselves around me? I hadn't even _thought_ about being rational. I just did what I wanted without thinking of the consequences.

"Don't be embarrassed," he grinned. "Your reaction was completely normal."

"For a vampire," I groaned. "I'm _human._"

"What was it like?" He mused. "Did you actually want blood?"

"No," I whispered. "I knew that I wanted _something_, I just didn't know what_._"

"Well, now you know," he whispered. "Maybe now you can finally grasp the difficulties that come with this life."

"I understand, Jasper," I replied quietly. "….and as sad as it is that a man lost his life, I can't fault you for killing him, either."

"How can you say that?" He breathed. "I killed one of your species and you don't seem to ever _care_!"

"Of course I care," I sniffed indignantly. "A man was killed. He probably had a family and friends and a _life_ waiting for him. But I've felt what you were going through, Jasper. I felt it for a fraction of the time and I hope to fuck that I never have to experience it again. Carlisle can preach about his perfect abstinence all he wants, but I wonder how he would fare if he had the gift of empathy? How long would he resist our appeal if he was forced to feel the bloodlust of his family coupled with his own? None of the Cullen's have to deal with anything other than their own thirst and emotions. You have to deal with your own, plus theirs, too. It amazing that you're able to resist at all! You are an incredibly strong man, Jasper, and I'm proud to call you my friend."

"You're p-proud of me?" He stammered.

"Very."

He stared into my eyes, probably looking for any hint of a lie, but I knew that he would find none. After feeling every emotion that he felt right before he had killed that man, pride was reeling off me in waves. I didn't doubt that a lesser person wouldn't bother. They would pillage and maim until their hearts were content and their thirsts were sated.

I would mourn the nameless hiker on behalf of his family, but I would never, _ever_, be able to place any portion of blame onto Jasper. He literally couldn't help what had happened any more than I could have stopped myself from attacking him when he projected his bloodlust onto me… and I was only _human_.

"So Carlisle asked you to leave because you killed the hiker?" I couldn't keep the skepticism from my voice. As sad as it was that the hiker had died, I couldn't imagine Carlisle sending his son away over one simple mistake. Edward had hunted humans for _years_ and was welcomed back with open arms!

"When I came back to the house, they all knew what I had done. I didn't even need to tell them. The moment that they looked into my blood-red eyes all hell broke loose."

He shook his head and smiled sadly at me. "Edward was the first to react. Leaving you had destroyed him, Bella. He truly thinks that you will move on and forget him. He is not himself anymore."

"What did he do?" I whispered timidly.

"He pinned me against the wall," he murmured. "I let him. I was in no position to defend myself. I had just killed someone, after all." His nimble fingers played with the frayed edge of his jeans, but his mind was elsewhere, remembering the night that cost him everything. "He was screaming at me - his emotions were beyond all reasoning. His voice shook the walls when he asked me why I couldn't control myself for five minutes. There was a lot of name calling - on his part, and the hatred rolled off him in waves. I just stood there and waited for him to finish. He didn't. He kept going and going, his voice growing louder with every minute. Eventually, Emmett pulled him off of me and Carlisle called one of his famous family meetings."

"No one tried to help you?" I whispered. "Not even Alice?"

He shook his head sadly and glanced out of the small window. "Not even Alice," he murmured. "We all filed dutifully into the unused dining room and I was forced to listen to an hour of vitriol from almost everyone in the room. Alice and Esme said nothing, but they didn't defend me either. Everyone else took their turn to tell me what a disappointment I am, though."

"I just... I just can't believe this," I stammered. "You always seemed so _close_ to each other..."

"Maybe at one point," he muttered bitterly, "but ever since sweet little Edward made the heroic choice to leave his one and only love in a fit of fiery passion, I was ousted, Bella."

"But Alice-"

"Alice loves me. I know that she does. I could feel it even as I left their home. But I could also feel disappointment and regret. Anger was her most prominent emotion."

"But you're her mate!" I fumed. "Doesn't that supersede everything else? Shouldn't she automatically take your side?"

"You've seen the way Rosalie and Emmett fight, Bella. Everyone disagrees at some point - even vampires."

"Well this is a little bit more than a disagreement," I exclaimed loudly.

He chuckled dryly. "Time moves differently for our kind, Bella. I've told you this. It's not uncommon for vampires to have a fight with their mate and not see each other for _months._ It's a very short time for us, really."

"Do you think that you'll go back to her?"

"To Alice? Of course. But I'll never be a member of the Cullen coven again - not even if Carlisle allowed it. Some things just can't be undone, Bella. The things they said to me that night... well, I'll never forget. Let's leave it at that."

I nodded dumbly and blinked the tears out of my eyes. I couldn't believe how much Jasper had been through. But rather that sit around and mope like _I_ would have done, he spent his time protecting _me_. The little human that he barely even knew.

"So Carlisle asked you to leave? Just like that?"

"Just like that," he whispered. "It was all phrased nicely enough, but the threat was discernible beneath the polite dismissal. After all the shouting was over and the name calling had stopped, Carlisle simply told me that until I could work out where my loyalties lay and abide by his rules, I wasn't welcome in his home. I packed my bag and left five minutes later. No one followed me. Not even Alice."

He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts and I felt uncomfortable watching him suffer, lost in his memories. Eager to move onto something a little less heavy, I decided to change the subject altogether. "So what happens now?"

He shook his head, obviously trying to clear his mind, and sat down in front of the roaring fire. "I can't protect you alone, Bella," he whispered. "It would be difficult enough if it was just Victoria, but a newborn army? It's impossible. It can't be done."

"I'll have to run, then," I realised, sadly. "I refuse to just sit here and wait for her to find me. I can't fight her, but I've done a brilliant job of hiding from her so far… even if I wasn't aware that I was doing it at the time."

"You would be happy with that life?" He asked in concern. "Never staying in one place. Never making any friends. Never using your real name…"

I chuckled humourlessly and shook my head. "_You_ do it," I reasoned. "You've done it for over a century."

"Yes, but I have to."

"Apparently, so do I," muttered sourly.

"You're safe here for now, Bella. Victoria will have to start her search all over again. There is nothing that links this cabin to us. If she comes here and finds us, it will be sheer luck. We won't be able to stay here for long, though. The cabin is barely equipped to provide for a vampire, let alone a human. But it will buy me enough time to locate the Cullen's for you. Once you're with them, you'll be safe again. "

I couldn't believe that after everything he had told me this evening, that he would even suggest going to that family for help. "Are you serious?" I drawled sarcastically. "We're talking about the family that left me for dead and sent you packing, right? The family that didn't even bother to stay in the same country as us in case we needed them in an emergency? The family that miss me so much that not _one_ of them bothered to check on me? Alice sees the future, for Christ sake-"

"She doesn't see yours anymore, Bella," Jasper interrupted me quietly. "Edward made her promise not to look into your future."

I huffed indignantly and crossed my arms over my chest. What in the name of fuck had I ever seen in that interfering old tyrant? "She might not be _allowed_ to look into my future, but surely she's looked into _yours_?" I spat. "I thought that she was your _mate_? I thought that your kind only fell in love once? If that's true, then why the fuck has she left you to battle an army of newborns all by yourself, Jasper? Please enlighten me, because I really don't understand."

"I don't know, Bella," he mouthed looking distraught. "I've asked myself the same question over and over again. The only conclusion that I can draw, is that she doesn't _care_ anymore. Our kind fall in love only once, it's true, but that doesn't mean that our love doesn't vary and fluctuate in strength. I mean, shit, look at James and Victoria. They were mated and he didn't give a tramps asscrack about her. He left her on her own to fight against seven vampires, while he chased after you."

"You really think that she doesn't care?" I murmured solemnly. The idea felt foreign and wrong, but I wasn't in any place to judge. I wasn't there to see any of this for myself. Edward made sure of that.

"Why else would she be ignoring everything that's happening, Bella? The only thing that confuses me, is that I know for a _fact_ that she _does_ care about you. She may have a piss-poor way of showing it, but I felt her devastation when we left you behind."

"Apparently it wasn't strong enough to cause her to come back though. She chose Edward. He asked her to stay away and she did. I don't want or need a friend like that, Jasper. If you had asked me to stay away from _Alice_, I would have flipped you the bird and told you in no uncertain terms to fuck off."

"I don't doubt it," he chuckled. "Whenever you were around Alice, I felt waves of protectiveness radiating off you. It was a strange concept to me. A human protecting a vampire. It was like watching a lion cuddling a lamb."

My blood ran cold at his words and I tensed, remembering an earlier time – a happier time.

_'…and so the lion fell in love with the lamb.'_

Asshole. We'll see how gentle I am the next time we meet. I'm mentally building his pyre as I speak. I can light a match as well as any other person – human or vampire. Okay, so that was a little excessive, but I was angry. Months of pain and loss had internalised, ending up with nothing left but anger. I honestly didn't know if I loved Edward or hated him anymore. It was a very fine line.

"So we run?" Jasper asked.

"We?" I confirmed, unsure that I had heard correctly. "You're coming with me?"

"Well sure," he laughed. "Who else is going to try and eat you on your birthday?"

I laughed, a full on laugh and fell onto the floor, clutching at my sides. "Are you protecting me or your dinner, Jasper?" I giggled.

"Well, we could eliminate the possibility of any accidents at all and just _change_ you," he shrugged. His unconcerned comment sobered me and my laughter stopped abruptly.

"Are you – are you serious?" I stuttered.

"It makes sense from a strategic point of view," he reasoned. "I wouldn't have to worry about your scent and it would help with the 'Victoria' situation. You would be a newborn, so you wouldn't have the discipline or concentration to fight her, but you would certainly be able to outrun her."

"I… you're… Jasper, that's insane," I whispered.

"It's up to you," he shrugged. "But it would put the ball in your court, so to speak. We would have the advantage over her and the added element of surprise. Plus, if the shit does hit the proverbial fan, the decision might be taken away from us. I may not have the chance to do it in the future."

He fell silent, then, choosing to pointlessly inspect his unchanging fingernails while I thought over everything he had just said. I knew and more importantly _understood_ how much danger I was in, but to end my mortal life for it?

Was it really necessary?

_Yes. You can't fight her, and one day, you'll be too old and frail to outrun her._

But what about Charlie and Renee? How would they cope, knowing that their only daughter was _gone_?

_They've already lost you. You've been gone for months already. Until Victoria is dead, you'll never be able to go home, anyway. _

But school and college…

_You'll have eternity to do those things. You've already dropped out of high school anyway._

Eternity. It was a long time to be alone.

"Forever seems much longer without Edward beside me," I whispered.

"You can go back to him, Bella," he countered. "You'll be his equal this time. The only thing stopping you is your pride and your anger. They haven't closed the door on you."

"Do we really not have any other choice?"

He stilled and looked on at me, sadly. "I have two other vampire friends," he murmured. "Peter and Charlotte. They follow the more _traditional_ diet, but they would help us. I'm reluctant to involve them unless I have to. I don't want to be the one who signs their death warrant."

_Death._ That one word was what it all boiled down to. "That's the key word, isn't it," I mused. "One way or another, I have to die. Either by old age, or Victoria and by changing into a vampire… I have to die."

"Everyone dies eventually, Bella," he replied solemnly.

"Yes, but most people don't have to _choose_ how they die."

"Wouldn't that be preferable? If you want to remain human, we can run and I can hide you for as long as I can. If I succeed, eventually, illness or old age will claim you. Or, you can go through the vampire transformation. Your human life will end, but you will not technically die. You'll still be here – sort of. You've been dealt a shitty hand, Bella. I realise that. But you can still win the game. You just need to shuffle your cards."

Shuffle my cards? I kind of liked that analogy. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that he was right. No, I had never wanted immortality. All I had wanted was to spend eternity with the man that I loved. He took that choice away from me. Alice had once warned him that one day, I _would_ be a vampire. She told him that her vision was fixed, and that nothing would change it. She had been right. Edward should have known better than to bet against her.

Instead of entering into my immortality through choice, as an act of love with my mate at my side, I was going to start my new life as a way of protecting Jasper. I couldn't let him be killed by Victoria for trying to protect me. He had told me that he wouldn't sugar-coat this for me, but I knew that he was. He had said that he didn't want to sign Peter's death warrant.

_He didn't think that we were going to survive._

If Victoria came at me with her newborn army, I may well die. But I wanted the chance to _fight_ the vicious bitch before I did. I didn't want to be a weak human, cowering in the corner with no chance of protecting myself. I wanted to be strong and vital. I wanted to punch that undead troll-doll in the face and watch her jaw shatter from the impact.

Jasper was right. I _did_ have a choice.

I was choosing life.

"Change me."


	3. Chapter 3

_Recap: _

_Instead of entering into my immortality through choice, as an act of love with my mate at my side, I was going to start my new life as a way of protecting Jasper. I couldn't let him be killed by Victoria for trying to protect me. He had told me that he wouldn't sugar-coat this for me, but I knew that he was. He had said that he didn't want to sign Peter's death warrant. _

_He didn't think that we were going to survive._

_If Victoria came at me with her newborn army, I may well die. But I wanted the chance to fight the vicious bitch before I did. I didn't want to be a weak human, cowering in the corner with no chance of protecting myself. I wanted to be strong and vital. I wanted to punch that undead moose in the face and watch her jaw shatter from the impact. _

_Jasper was right. I did have a choice. _

_I was choosing life._

"_Change me." _

* * *

When I awoke the following morning, I was still exhausted, but Jasper was keen to get on the road. We had stayed up well into the early hours formulating our plan for the next few days. We had agreed that it wasn't safe for Jasper to bite me. By his own admission, he didn't have enough control for that. Instead, he was going to get hold of a syringe and inject his venom directly into my heart. But before we could do that, we needed to find somewhere more suitable to live. The cabin may have been out in the wilderness, but apparently it wasn't secure enough to house a newborn vampire for the next year. With no electricity, I would have nothing to distract me from my constant thirst. Staying here was impossible, so we left.

"We're on the outskirts out Forks, Bella," he whispered. I shook my head to clear my thoughts just as we passed Forks community hospital. "Are you sure that you want to do this? We can drive straight on if you're unsure…"

I took a deep breath and sighed. "No," I breathed. "I need to do this. I need the closure, Jasper."

He nodded mutely and lifted his foot off the accelerator before braking softly. "There are no heartbeats nearby," he whispered. "Your neighbours home is empty. So is Charlie's."

My hand fumbled on the door handle, but I managed to shakily stumble out of the car without injuring myself. I might have been embarrassed by how clumsy I was, but then I remembered the fact that in a few short days, I would never be clumsy again.

Charlie's house looked exactly the same as it always did. That man was far too stubborn to ever change anything. He was set in his ways. We were very much alike in that sense. I glanced down at my feet, trying my hardest not to fall over, when I realised that I was leaving footprints in the snow.

"I'll take care of it before we leave," Jasper whispered from my side. "He won't know that we were here."

He offered me his hand and led me up the slippery steps of the porch. We were walking so slowly that it felt like a funeral march. I suppose it was, in a way. This would be the last time that Isabella Swan set foot in this house. For after today, the clumsy human girl who had never really fit in anywhere, would be leaving to find her place in the world.

I pulled the spare key out from under the eave and slipped it into the lock slowly. The door opened with a click and I was immediately submerged in an array of familiar scents. Everything that encompassed Charlie and his home hit me like a brick in the face and it took all of my strength not to cry. I would miss this place more than I had prepared myself for.

I wandered around the house trailing my fingers over every surface, saying goodbye to everything with a small caress. Each trinket and gadget had its own memory in my mind and fraction of my heart. Jasper allowed me to move at my own pace and I was grateful for that. We had come here with a specific purpose in mind, but I wouldn't be rushed through this. I wouldn't condemn myself to enter into immortality feeling bitter and resentful. I didn't want to be frozen with those feelings permanently.

Eventually, I stumbled upstairs but froze outside the door of my bedroom. This room held memories that I wasn't ready to revisit yet. Every night with Edward – every kiss and embrace. The force of them threatened to rip through me completely. Eventually, I managed to turn the handle and open the door, but only because I knew that Jasper was watching my every move from three feet behind me.

The door swung open and a blast of ice-cold air washed over me. I shuddered convulsively and took a timid step into the room. My eyes flickered but refused to stay focused on one thing in particular. Everything was exactly as I had left it nearly four months ago. My clothes lay folded on the rocking chair, papers and school work littered the desk, making the room look messier than it really was.

I glanced at the bed and waited for the memories and pain to rip through me, but they never came. I felt _numb. _

"Are you okay, Bella?" Jasper asked quietly from behind me. I glanced at him and realised that he was much closer than I had first assumed. He must have followed me inside the room while I had been distracted.

"I'm fine," I whispered. "Just a little overwhelmed."

"That's understandable," he reasoned. "I'm amazed that you're coping so well."

I laughed humourlessly and sat down on the bed. "With everything that's going on right now, I don't think that my mind can take any more. I don't feel anything at _all_, Jasper."

"I can see that," he mused. "Maybe it's for the best right now."

I nodded and reached underneath my pillow. "Can I take a few things with me?" I asked, gesturing to the diary that was now safely in my hands. Page after page had been filled, retelling all of my adventure since I had returned to Forks. I hadn't written anything that could divulge the Cullen's secret, but the romance was there - and the friendships. I wanted to keep all of it. "Edward told me that when humans go through the change, they lose some of their memories. I want to remember."

He glanced at the diary and held his hand out for it. I passed it to him and watched on in confusion when he raised it to his nose and inhaled deeply. "You can certainly take _this_," he murmured. "There isn't any trace of Charlie's scent on in so I doubt that he will even know it exists. Just don't take anything that he will notice is gone."

I grinned and walked over to the bookshelf. Sure, I could replace all of the books I owned, but there was one that held a special place in my heart.

"Wuthering heights?" Jasper asked in bemusement. Obviously he didn't understand the sentiment. He had no idea that me and Edward debated over this very book for hours on end.

"It's a good book," I shrugged nonchalantly. He took it from my hands and I moved around the room, collecting anything that Charlie wouldn't miss. I paused my search when I saw Jasper crouch down on the balls of his feet and lower his face to the floor.

"Jasper? What on earth are you doing?"

He inhaled deeply and shook his head. "There's something under this floorboard," he mused. "I can smell paper and plastic… and ink."

I glanced down at the strange vampire and shrugged. "I must have dropped something." I turned away to continue my search but he sniffed again, louder this time.

"_You_ didn't drop something," he murmured. "But Edward did."

I spun back around and narrowed my eyes at him. He was running his finger along the edge of the floorboard. "Certain smells linger in wood much longer than in other material. Edward very deliberately grabbed this plank," he whispered. "I can see the slight grooves that his fingers left as he pried the board up."

"He pulled the floorboards up," I deadpanned. "I think I would have noticed that, Jasper."

"Not if you weren't here," he countered. I heard the sound of the old wood groaning before Jasper stood up triumphantly with several objects in his hands. "Oh ye of little faith," he grinned. "I _told_ you he put something under there!"

His voice was jovial and excited, but I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the items he clutched so easily. A plane ticket, a CD case and my photos – they were all there.

"Bella?" Jasper sounded alarmed, but I ignored him. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the sweet treasures that he held in his arms. I took a step towards him and tentatively reached out for my things. The second my fingers touched them, Jasper's voice from yesterday ran through my mind.

'_He lied to you.' _

'_He does love you.'_

'_Vampires mate for life. You're it for him.'_

'_He will never love another.'_

'_He broke his own heart to keep you safe.'_

I gripped them to my chest, hugging them furiously. I wanted to examine them, to remember every detail, but I was blinded by my tears. How did he have so much _control_ over me? He wasn't even in the country and still he was hurting me. Honestly, in that moment - I hated him. I hated that I still loved him, too.

"Okay, honey," Jasper murmured as he swept me into his arms. "I think it's time to go now, hmm?"

I nodded gently and tried to get my feelings under control. It was bad enough that I was breaking down – the last thing I wanted to do was project my hurt onto Jasper. I felt him deposit me inside the car but I refused to look back at the house again. I had done what I had come to do. I didn't want my last memory of that house to be of me watching it get smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror as we drove away.

Jasper stayed silent as we drove through the town, and for that I was grateful. I was barely holding it together and I knew that my courage wouldn't last if I had to actually speak.

It was only when we pulled up at a stop sign that I forced myself to sit up. Crossing the road in front of the car were Angela and Ben. They were walking hand in hand, both beaming at each other. They were so _happy_. I idly wondered if that's what I would have looked like if Edward had been human. Would we have still ended up together? Would he have looked at me the way Ben was looking at Angela? Probably not. They disappeared into the diner without even glancing in my direction. It was strange, really – to see everyone continuing with their lives when mine was about to end. They were naive in their innocence. They had no idea what dangers lurked in the woods that surrounded this small town. They would grow up, go on to college, get married and have babies - I would probably never ever cross their minds again.

It would be as though I had never existed.

"They are very much in love," Jasper whispered as he glanced at the diner. "Human emotions are weak in comparison to a vampire, but their love for each other is undeniably strong. If any couple has a chance to go all the way, then it's them. Angela and Ben have that strength, Bella."

I inhaled a stuttering breath and nodded. "Thank you, Jasper," I murmured. "That comforts me more than you will ever know."

I wasn't lying, either. Out of everyone I had met in Forks, it had been Angela who had proved her loyalty. She was a good person through and through. She deserved nothing less than absolute happiness. I would be forgotten over time. She would live on though. That was the most important thing.

There was a slight hold up at the edge of town, so Jasper turned the engine off to save the gas. I was going to ask him if it was okay to turn the radio on, when something flashed in the corner of my eye. I whipped my head to the right and bit my lip at the sight in front of me. Walking along the sidewalk was an extremely pissed off Jessica. Mike Newton was running after her looking terrified.

"What's going on with Jess and Mike?" I asked Jasper. I knew that with his sensitive hearing, he would be able to tell me. "Is she okay? She looks really upset…"

Jasper tilted his head to the side in disinterest and then smirked. "They're having a fight."

"Well obviously," I drawled. "Thank you, Captain Obvious. A fight about what?"

"Miss Swan, I never had you pegged for a gossip queen," he chuckled.

I slapped his arm and winced at the shot of pain that trilled through me. "Ouch! Damn it, Jasper! Do you have to be so irritatingly _hard_?"

"_You_ hit _me_!" He laughed. "Not the other way around!"

A loud screech came from next to the car and I was suddenly glad of the tinted windows. I could see out, but Mike and Jessica couldn't see in. I glanced at Jasper pleadingly and he sighed. "This really isn't something I should be repeating in front of a lady," he groaned.

"Are you _serious_?" I whispered hurriedly. "Jasper, I drink milk from the carton and burp like a man. Now tell me what they're fighting about!"

He let out a bark of sharp laughter before slapping his hand over his mouth. I glanced back to Jessica, but she didn't seem to hear Jasper's amusement over the sound of her own screeching. I watched on in fascinated horror as she grabbed her purse from the sidewalk and walloped Mike round the head with it.

"Whoa…"

Jasper continued to snicker but managed to explain what was happening. "Apparently, Mike hasn't been completely faithful to Jessica," he laughed.

"How does she know?" I breathed. This shit was insane. Poor Mike was _cowering_ away from her while she repeatedly bopped him on the head with her ridiculously large bag.

Jasper groaned and hid his face in his hands. "She's been feeling… _itchy_," he moaned reluctantly. Itchy? Why on earth would she feel… oh… _oh!_ Damn that's nasty! I burst out laughing and Jessica paused her assault on her boyfriend. They both turned in our direction just as Jasper floored the accelerator, speeding away from the scene of the crabs – _crime_. I meant crime. _Shit._

We were both still laughing uncontrollably by the time Jasper pulled over at our final destination and parked the car. I sobered quickly when I realised where I was about to go.

"Are you sure?" Jasper asked.

"I need to do this," I whispered. "It's my final goodbye."

He nodded and held his arms out to me. I climbed onto his back and felt him still, completely. He was holding his breath again.

When he broke off into a sprint, my weak human eyes were too slow to follow his direction, but I trusted him. He had told me that he would be able to follow small tracks that Edward had left – even if I couldn't see them, they were there. He stopped a few minutes later and I slid from his back, gazing unseeingly towards my final destination of the day.

"I'm going to hunt quickly," he hummed. "I'll stay upwind of your scent, so you will be quite safe. I just don't think I'll cope well on the journey if I'm thirsty."

I nodded absentmindedly and felt the leaves rustle as he sped away, leaving me standing alone in the place where this had all started for me. The wildflowers had withered in the harsh weather, but the meadow would always be beautiful to me. It was even more special than I remembered. My memories hadn't done it justice at all. It was winter here, and the snow was falling fast, but in my mind I could still see it in its former glory. Purple and yellow wildflowers, sunlight, warmth – Edward.

This was where my journey had begun. It only seemed fitting that I mourned the loss of my humanity here. In this very spot, I had once told Edward that I would rather die than stay away from him… and that's exactly what my involvement with him had cost me - my life. It was a steep price to pay now that he wouldn't be sharing eternity with me, but I would still do it. I would do it to help Jasper run from Victoria. I would do it to protect my father from her vengeful grasp. But most of all, I was doing this for _me._ My whole life I had stumbled, desperately trying to find my place in the world. But nothing had ever felt _right._ This felt right. I had known it the moment that Edward had showed me his world, and I knew it now. It was my world, too.

Once this was all over, Isabella Swan wouldn't be a weak little lamb any more.

Never again.

An enormous crash had me spinning on the spot and searching the trees frantically. "Jasper?" I called loudly. He materialised in front of me and yanked me into his arms. Before I could even ask what was wrong, we were out of the meadow and flying through the trees at a speed that could rival Edward on his best day.

"Just hold on to me little darlin'," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Bella, but Victoria found us. We have to run."

"How far away are they?" I stammered. The fear in my voice was obvious.

"About a mile," he answered tersely. A mile? Edward could cover that distance in a few short seconds…

"Oh my God, they're right behind us, aren't they?"

He nodded and continued to weave through the trees with ease, jumping over boulders like they were pebbles. "You're alright," he cooed. "I won't let her get to you."

It was in that moment that I realised just how much Jasper was risking for me. I had no doubt that Victoria would kill him if he stood in my way. Alice was probably waiting for him to come home. How would she feel when his future suddenly disappeared from her visions? I couldn't let him die. Not for me.

"Put me down," I mumbled.

"What? Bella we can't stop, honey. They are right behind us."

"I know that, Jasper. Just put me down and walk away. She doesn't want you. You can still escape. You can go back to Alice."

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?" He hissed, speeding up.

"You don't have to die for me, Jasper," I urged. "This isn't your battle."

"Oh fuck this," he growled. He turned his head to the side and inhaled a massive breath. "Hey, Victoria! Did you know that it wasn't Edward who killed James?" His booming voice echoed throughout the silent forest. The only sound that could be heard was the agonised screech of pain from the fiery redhead that was less than a few seconds behind us.

"Jasper what the crap are you _doing_?" I hissed. "Don't antagonise the crazy lady!"

"_I_ killed him! He was a slimy fucker who got what was coming to him!" He continued. He turned his head back towards me and scowled. "There," he murmured. "Now she's pissed at me too. I'm not Edward, Bella. I won't bend to your will if you pout, so stop being such an insufferable martyr and calm down before you get us _both_ killed."

I opened my mouth to retaliate but thought better of it. Jasper was right. I needed to just accept the fact that I had someone in my life who was prepared to defend me simply because I couldn't defend myself. He had spent months searching for me. He obviously wasn't planning on backing out now.

"Okay," I nodded with certainty. "I can do that."

"I'm glad to hear it," he chuckled. His laughter stopped abruptly and he growled low in his throat. A vampire with crazed red eyes was running alongside us, gnashing his teeth menacingly. "Stay the _fuck_ away from her!" He roared. His voice was terrifying both in volume and tone. For a split second, he held me impossibly tighter, before he threw me with all his strength away from his body and into the air. The last sound I heard before I started to fall, was the familiar keening screech of a vampire being ripped to shreds.

_Jasper…._

I waited for the impact of the ground, but it never came. Less than a second after he had thrown me, I was plunged into water that was so cold, it was actually painful. Every inch of my body writhed and bucked to get away from the searing ice that tore through my body. My head broke the surface, but I still felt like I couldn't breathe. I had never felt pain like this before. I kicked and flailed for what felt like hours, but eventually my body became too cold and I felt myself sinking underneath the surface. As my body sank, I gasped desperately for breath but only ended up inhaling huge mouthfuls of water. The further down I drifted the darker it became, until eventually, I couldn't see anything at all.

OooXooOooXooOooO

Come on, Bella. Don't give up on me now. Breathe, damn it!"

I turned my head and I spluttered violently onto the ground, purging ice-cold water from my body.

"Oh thank fuck! You gave me a real scare there, Miss Swan."

I was vaguely aware of being lifted into the air but I closed my eyes, too tired to work out what was going on.

"Just hang on, honey," Jasper whispered. "I'm so sorry. I had no choice. I couldn't fight him with you in my arms. Just hang onto me."

I didn't answer him. I couldn't. My entire body had locked down on impact and I felt like I would shatter if he jostled me too much.

"Bella?" He mumbled. "Darlin' talk to me, please. You're okay now. I've got you."

"C-cold," I managed to stutter through my chattering teeth. "Cold."

"I know, honey. I know you're cold," he crooned. "We're almost at a main road now. I'll get us back to the car and you'll be okay again."

"Y-you feel w-warm," I stammered.

He cursed and sped up, tightening his grip on me as he did. "We're nearly there now. Just hang onto me. You'll be warm and dry in just a few minutes." He stopped a few seconds later and placed me into the back seat of the car. Before I could say or do anything else, he was back in the driver's seat, pressing firmly on the accelerator.

"Bella, honey. I won't look, but you need to take those wet clothes off. Can you do that for me? There's a blanket next to you that you can wrap around yourself."

I nodded dumbly and tried to do as he had asked me. The problem was that I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. My eyes wouldn't focus and I felt as though I couldn't breathe.

"Bella?" Jasper asked in concern. "Bella, talk to me…."

I tried to make my mouth move but I couldn't. I was confused. Where was I anyway?

"Shit, we need to get you to a hospital," he hissed. "I can't believe I was so fucking stupid! Ice-cold water? I nearly fucking _killed_ you!"

I gave up on my shirt and lay down in the back seat, watching the world go by the window. Everything felt too fast, like my brain couldn't keep up with the things it was seeing. The rumble of the car was making me sleepy. I wanted to give in to the sensation, but Jasper wouldn't let me.

"No, Bella! Don't close your eyes. Keep talking to me darlin', we're almost there now. The newborn is dead. I killed him, Bella... and Victoria ran off again, so you're safe for now, okay? Just talk to me, honey. Tell me some of the secret things that you and Alice are always whispering about, yeah?"

"W-whispering?" I stammered.

"Sure," he hurried. "Every time Edward brought you to the house, you and Alice would disappear upstairs and not come down for hours. Tell me what you talked about. Just talk to me, honey."

"B-Bella Barbie. She u-used to dress me up. Stupid heels. C-couldn't walk."

"I remember that," he chuckled. It sounded strained. "What else, huh? What else were you plotting about?"

"E-Edward. She used to t-tell me about Edward."

"Yeah? What did she tell you about him?"

"S-she told me about our w-wedding. We were supposed to get m-married."

He fell silent then and turned his head towards me. His eyes flickered over my face and he cursed quietly. "Bella, say something else for me?"

"Like what?" I whispered.

"Anything. Tell me about Mike Newton."

"Who?" I flickered through familiar faces in my mind, but none of them were called Mike. At least I didn't think that they were. Before I could dwell on it, I realised something else. "Jasper? I'm not cold anymore."

"Shit." He turned the car sharply and parked it before climbing into the back seat with me. "Bella? We're at the hospital and I need to go inside for a few seconds. I'm going to lock you in the car, okay?"

I nodded and watched as he raced out of the car at a fast human speed and disappeared inside the building. He was back before I even had time to miss him. He didn't climb into the back seat again, though. He got straight into the driver's side and reversed out of the lot.

"Where are we going?" I whispered. He stayed silent and pulled the over at the side of the road.

"Bella, do you know what this is?" He held up a small package and I nodded.

"It's a syringe," I whispered.

"That's right, honey. I need you to listen to me, okay? You are showing all the signs of severe hypothermia. You're telling me that I feel warm, your lips are blue, you're confused and your speech is slurred."

"Oh."

"Quite, but since we have been in the car, your condition has worsened. I've been listening to your heart rate and your pulse is slowing, Bella. You're not shivering anymore and you should be. It's a sign that your body is only retaining heat around your vital organs."

"But I'm not cold anymore," I argued. "I feel hot."

"I know, honey. Your heart rate has slowed and your blood vessels have widened. If I don't act now, it's going to be too late. Your heart will be too weak to survive the transformation."

I had no idea what he was talking about, so I just nodded and smiled.

"Now, I'm going to step out of the car for a couple of minutes, okay? I need to fill this syringe with my venom, but that's not something I should do while I can smell your scent. I'll be right back."

He disappeared again and I closed my eyes. The lethargy was even stronger now that I wasn't being forced to answer his questions. I was just starting to drift into oblivion, when something sharp hit me hard in the chest. My eyes flew open and I saw Jasper leaning over me, looking extremely apologetic.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I can't let you die. I know that this will hurt you, but in three days, you'll never have to feel pain again."

I wanted to ask him what he was talking about, but before I could form a sentence and speak the words, white-hot fire began to rage through my chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thank you for all of the lovely reviews! I haven't managed to answer them all yet, but I'll try. This next chapter is in Jasper's POV. It's a bit shorter than the others, but I'm already writing the next one. This entire document is covered in orange wobbly lines! Sorry about the British spelling. I realise that most of the readers on here are American, but I'm English... Hopefully it's not too annoying to read! See you at the bottom!**

* * *

_Recap: _

_I had no idea what he was talking about, so I just nodded and smiled. _

"_Now, I'm going to step out of the car for a couple of minutes, okay? I need to fill this syringe with my venom, but that's not something I should do while I can smell your scent. I'll be right back."_

_He disappeared again and I closed my eyes. The lethargy was even stronger now that I wasn't being forced to answer his questions. I was just starting to drift into oblivion, when something sharp hit me hard in the chest. My eyes flew open and I saw Jasper leaning over me, looking extremely apologetic._

"_I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I can't let you die. I know that this will hurt you, but in three days, you'll never have to feel pain again." _

_I wanted to ask him what he was talking about, but before I could form a sentence and speak the words, white-hot fire began to lurch through my chest. _

* * *

JPOV:

I was running back to the car when I heard her heart stutter in her chest. Its rhythm had been slowing for several minutes, but this was different. Her heart was actually beginning to shut down now. For a millisecond, my decision wavered. I had agreed to do this for her, but as I looked at her now, I wondered if it would be better to simply let her _go_. Without my venom, she would slip away peacefully in less than five minutes. She wouldn't have to deal with Victoria or her newborn army. She wouldn't have to feel the agony of being separated from Edward. She could just fall asleep… _one last time_.

But then, before I could reach a decision, she opened her eyes and gazed at me with the sweetest expression on her face. There was no anger there – no uncertainty or regret. She simply stared at me with nothing but trust written across her features. I took a deep breath and tightened my grip on the needle. I had promised her that I would look after her, and even though I didn't deserve it, she had inexplicably put her faith in me. I owed it to her now, to follow through on my end of the deal.

Her eyes slipped closed again and for that I was thankful. I didn't want to see the hurt in her eyes as I ended the last seconds of her human life. Her heart faltered one more time and I forced myself to plunge the needle directly into her chest.

I knew that it had worked the second she began to scream and writhe in agony. This was _exactly_ why I had driven the car a couple of blocks away from the hospital. Right now, she sounded like she was being murdered. Technically, she _was. _The last thing I needed was an interfering human hearing her screams and calling the police. We would make the national news within an hour and the Volturi would be down here quicker than a fly on shit.

I jumped back into the front seat and gunned the engine. I knew that Bella needed me to be there for her, but I also needed to get her out of here. She was my responsibility now. I was her _sire_. For the rest of our time on this earth, Bella and I would bonded in a way that no one could break. Now that my venom ran through her veins, her loyalty would always be with me. It was part of the reason why I had never killed Maria. It was also the reason that Edward returned to Carlisle after his rebellious period. Vampires may resent their makers - they can be defiant and stubborn, but it would take something extraordinary for their bond to break completely.

Bella's screams were growing louder from the back seat, but there was nothing that I could do for her pain. All I could do now, was to ensure that the transition into her new life was as smooth as possible. With that in mind, I pulled out my phone and called the one person in my life who had always been there for me - Peter.

"Jasper?" He chuckled. "Have you changed your number _again_?"

Bella let out an almighty shriek and I cursed loudly, wishing that there was something more I could do for her.

"I'm guessing that this isn't a social call," Peter interrupted. I took a deep, calming breath and shook my head, even though he couldn't see me.

"I've turned a human," I whispered in a rush. "I… my venom… she's _changing_, Peter."

There was absolute silence from his end of the line until I heard him murmuring quietly to Charlotte. "Jasper? Did this happen in a public place? Were you exposed, brother?"

"N-no," I stammered. "We were in my car."

"Just snap her neck and walk away, Jasper," he answered solemnly. "I know how you feel about taking human life, but it's done now. There's nothing you can do. Just put it right and get out of there."

"No, you don't understand. This isn't just any human-"

"You mean they differ from one to the next? They're all the same to me," he murmured indifferently.

"Peter, _please_," I begged. "This isn't just some random woman off the side of the street! It's Bella!"

"_Bella_?" He spluttered. "As in Edward's _mate_, Bella?"

"Yes," I whispered. "I've turned Edward's mate."

"I don't… Jasper? Explain."

So I did. I spent the next forty-five minutes telling him everything that had happened since Bella's birthday party. By the time I had finished, I actually felt _tired_.

"Jasper, forgive me, but this human seems like far more trouble than she's worth. This one little human has managed to destroy your entire coven!"

"No, Peter, she didn't. This one was all on me. Bella didn't even _want_ the damn birthday party. She actually _begged_ Alice not to do it… but since when has Alice ever listened to what anyone wants?"

Peter sighed loudly down the line but otherwise made no comment. I knew that he simply didn't understand. Humans were _food_ to us. Bella was simply just another meal.

"Hang on a second, Jasper," he sighed. "Charlotte wants to talk to you."

I didn't answer him. Honestly, I was beyond surprised that she had anything to say to me at all. Although she had never actually said the words, I knew that Charlotte didn't particularly like me. She kept things civil for Peter's sake, but I knew that she had never really forgiven me for almost killing her all those years ago. She had only been nineteen when she was turned by Maria, and after her newborn year was over and she showed no sign of having any particular talent or gift that would be useful to Maria, I was ordered to kill her. If Peter hadn't helped her escape, I would have done it, too.

"Jasper?"

"Hello Charlotte."

"How far has the venom spread?"

"Well, I didn't bite her so I have no idea…"

"What do you mean? How is she turning if you didn't bite her?"

"The timing was a little off, but this was _planned_, Charlotte. Bella knew that I was going to change her – she actually agreed to this in advance. It was the only way we could outrun Victoria... I ... I injected the venom directly into her heart about an hour ago."

She exhaled loudly and I could almost imagine what expression she wore on her face now. I knew that she wanted to help me, but only because Peter was my friend. "She really had the choice?" She whispered.

"Charlotte, I know that you have no reason to believe me, but Bella is like family to me and the Cullen's. I offered to change her as a way of evading Victoria. It was her choice, ultimately."

"What would you have done if she had wanted to stay human?"

"I would have hidden her as best as I could, Charlotte," I whispered. "I can't fight an entire army on my own, but I'm pretty good at hide and seek."

She let out an unwilling laugh before falling silent. "Where are you taking her?"

"Alaska," I answered automatically. "I'll have to take a slight detour to avoid the Denali coven, but I own a small house up in the North. They shouldn't pick up on my scent."

"You're taking her to the lodge? Jasper that place is practically falling down! You haven't lived there since the sixties!" She hissed.

"I'll fix it up then," I shrugged. "I need to keep her hidden, Charlotte. I promised to keep her safe. The cabin is hidden deep within the mountains... not even the most exceptional human hikers could get up there."

She sighed and muttered unintelligibly. "We'll be there tomorrow," she grumbled. "You had better prepare the guest room."

I let out a huge breath of relief and managed a small smile. "Thank you, Charlotte," I said sincerely. "I will be eternally grateful for this."

"Well, you have eternity to make it up to me, don't you?"

I got the feeling that she wasn't just referring to helping me with Bella.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Jasper." She disconnected the call and I was left with nothing but the sound of Bella's agonised screams to keep me company.

OooXooOooXooO

Nearly twenty hours later, we were nearly at our destination. I had been forced to abandon the car in Canada, knowing that the cabin was only accessible on foot. It was one of the main reasons why I loved this house. There wasn't another living soul for hundreds of miles. There was absolutely no danger of me slipping up and killing someone. Our new home would be surrounded by mile after mile of mountain ranges. It was the perfect location for a newborn vampire - and for an old vampire with terrible self-control.

Bella's screams had quietened since I had pulled her into my arms. She seemed to find my voice soothing, resulting in me talking nonsense to her for hours on end.

"I wish that you could see what I'm seeing, Bella," I whispered. "You probably don't care right now, but we're at the very top of a mountain. Any other human would need breathing equipment and a whole host of other supplies to just stay alive – but you don't, honey. You're not even out of breath."

I jumped over a giant rocky canyon without jostling Bella, and wished that someone had been around to see my awesome leap. Things like that only happened when there was no one around to witness them.

"I own a cabin up here," I continued. "I bought it for Alice thinking that we could use it as a private getaway. Carlisle's home down in Denali is amazing, but it can be cramped having so many vampires in one area. With the Denali coven visiting every other day, I thought Alice might like a place of our own. She took one look at it and vowed never to come back here again," I chuckled.

I don't know why I was laughing. In hindsight, Alice had been extremely ungrateful. The cabin might have been in an awful state, but I could have fixed it up for us. I could have made a beautiful home there for my Alice. Apparently, she didn't agree. It was clearly nowhere near her high standards. I knew that Bella would appreciate the charm of the old place, though. She was extremely easy to please. After half a century of being married to Alice, I had a lot of practice in hearing that something wasn't nice enough. Bella would be easy to placate in comparison.

"You finally decided to turn up then, brother?"

I grinned at the lively voice and trailed my eyes over to the direction it had come from. My oldest friend, Peter, was happily jumping from ledge to ledge of the mountain, looking like a child with a shiny new toy.

"So this is the cause of all the trouble, then?" He grinned, gesturing to Bella. "Pretty little thing, isn't she?"

"She is," I agreed. "Thank you, Peter. Thank you for coming all this way."

He waved his hand in dismissal and held his arms out. "Want me to take her for a bit? It would give you a chance to hunt. There's a herd of caribou just over that ridge."

I tightened my hold on Bella and shook my head. "I don't think…"

"I'm not going to eat her!" He laughed jubilantly. I shook my head again and he shrugged. "As you wish. Charlotte is already at the Cabin. I owe you a new door, too. It caved in when I touched it."

I laughed and nodded, knowing all too well that the cabin was falling apart. I had my work cut out for me that was for sure. Between siring a newborn vampire, avoiding Victoria, losing my wife and family, and now the moving into a crappy cabin, I was in for a rough year.

"What am I about to walk into?" I asked. "Is Charlotte angry for having to be here?"

He shrugged and jumped down from the tree he had been climbing on. "She hates being in one place for too long, but she'll soften up a bit when she sees the munchkin. She always did want kids."

"She realises that Bella is eighteen, right? She's not exactly a child."

"Yeah, but compared to us, she's practically a baby," he shrugged. "She sure is quiet, isn't she? I screamed like a five year-old girl during my transformation."

"I remember," I drawled. "Knowing Bella, she's probably listening to this entire conversation, stubbornly refusing to miss a word of it for a little pain."

"A _little_ pain? You're out of your mind. Vampire venom is brutal," he shuddered.

"When you meet Bella, you'll understand. This is the same girl that out-smarted Alice's visions and went to face James knowing that she couldn't win. Stubborn is her middle name."

"Bella Stubborn Swan? That's quite catchy, that is." He chuckled.

"Oh God," I groaned. "Please don't start calling her that. She'll kill me."

"Are you scared of the itty-bitty human?" He teased. "Don't worry, I'll protect you from her terrifyingly awesome ire…."

He burst out laughing when I aimed a kick at him, missing narrowly by a few inches. "You just wait," I insisted. "I guarantee that within five minutes of meeting this girl, you'll be wrapped around her little finger."

"Is she a nice girl then?" He asked seriously.

"She is," I whispered, holding onto her a little tighter. I could see the cabin now. "She's never once judged me, Peter. Not even after I tried to kill her."

He raised his eyebrows and rubbed the back of his neck, roughly. "Not even after you went all 'happy snappy teeth' on her birthday?"

I shook my head and glanced down at Bella. She looked as though she was merely sleeping, now. "Not even then," I murmured. "After I fled the house, Carlisle was stitching her arm up. She had been pushed through a glass table and it had cut her up pretty badly."

"Ouch," he hissed. A wave of sympathy hit me and I shook it off, not wanting his kindness.

"I had ruined her birthday party, tried to kill her, smashed the whole house apart, attacked my own family and caused an irreparable rift between her and her mate."

We stopped outside the cabin and I looked him straight in the eye, needing him to understand why I would give my life for this small human. "Despite all of that, do you know what she did first? Before anything else?"

He shook his head and slung his hands into his pockets.

"She told Alice to pass on a message to me."

"What was the message?"

"That it wasn't my _fault_…"

I didn't stick around to look at his expression, but I felt the massive wave of surprise rolling off of him. Up until that moment, I knew that he wouldn't understand why I was doing this. To him, Bella would have just been another meal. He didn't care about her name or age. She was just a walking, talking blood donor. But now that I had explained, I hoped that he would realise just what an incredible person Bella was. Sure, she passed on that message through Alice, but I never truly believed it. People lie all the time. They say one thing, but they _feel_ another. It was only when I talked to her myself that I realised that she actually meant every word she had said to Alice. She really didn't blame me one bit. That single thought comforted me more than she would ever know.

OooXooOooXooO

For the next two days, we comforted Bella through her transformation, telling her our old stories from our time with Maria. Charlotte had been as stiff as a board through the entire conversation, but she hadn't left Bella's side once, for which I was thankful. She had bathed her and changed her clothes, knowing that as a _woman_, Bella would want these things taken care of. It wouldn't have even occurred to me.

We had all gathered around the old sofa, watching as Bella went through the last few moments of her change.

"She'll be awake in a few minutes," Peter whispered. "Her heart is about ready to give out."

I nodded my agreement and grasped Bella's hand. Most vampires woke up feeling terrified and I didn't want that for her. Bella's transformation was _chosen_. She had been changed by family, not a stranger who didn't quite finish feeding properly.

She gasped and her back arched off the table before slumping back down again. Her heart was crashing through her chest at a speed that would have caused a human to have go into cardiac arrest, but eventually it began to slow.

"This is it," Charlotte whispered. She stood up and led Peter to the other side of the room. The last thing we wanted to do was overwhelm her. Two unknown vampires leaning over her would do just that.

"Bella?" I murmured in a soothing voice, "I'm sure that you can hear me again by now and I know that you're scared, but it's almost over. Just another few seconds, honey."

Almost as soon as the words left my mouth, her heart stuttered once more, before falling silent completely. Her eyes snapped open and I couldn't suppress the grin that covered my face when I looked into their red depths.

This had been done for all the wrong reasons and happened much sooner than it should have, but it was over now.

Isabella Swan was _finally_ a vampire.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Evening all! We're back to Bella's POV for this chapter. Thank you again for all of the lovely reviews. Hope you enjoy the next chapter! **

* * *

_Recap: _

_Almost as soon as the words left my mouth, her heart stuttered once more, before falling silent completely. Her eyes snapped open and I couldn't suppress the grin that covered my face when I looked into their red depths._

_This had been done for all the wrong reasons and happened much sooner than it should have, but it was over now._

_Isabella Swan was finally a vampire._

* * *

BPOV:

"Bella? I'm sure that you can hear me again by now and I know that you're scared, but it's almost over. Just another few seconds, honey."

Jasper's voice beckoned to me through the fire, giving me the strength I needed to keep fighting. The flames licked and hissed across my chest, burning even hotter now that it was concentrated in one small area. I tried to think around the pain... I fought relentlessly to distract myself from the awful agony, but concentrating on anything other than the fiery heat was almost impossible.

The last few days seemed like a distant haze now. All of my memories were disjointed and confusing. It was like watching something through contact lenses that weren't my own. The prescription was all wrong and everything was blurry.

Jasper's voice, however, was a prominent feature in my mind. I could easily recall the times that it had comforted me – _soothed_ me while I burned. There was a deep, instinctual part of me that associated his voice with safety, so when he told me that the pain was almost over, I believed him.

As the last of the fire ebbed away, my heart rate slowed and receded with it. It was a terrifying thing to feel, knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop it. The vampire named Peter had been right. The venom _was_ relentless. I grit my teeth and held in my scream as one final wave of excruciating fire seared through my chest...

...and then it was _gone._

For several moments, I stayed completely still, terrified that any small movement would bring the fire back. But in my stillness, I realised how uncomfortable I felt with my eyes closed. It wasn't a physical discomfort - it was mental. I didn't like being unable to see who was around me. It made me feel _vulnerable._ As a compromise, I inhaled deeply, testing the air around me.

The first thing that I noticed were the three separate scents on my tongue. One of them was familiar and comforting. The subtle hints of leather and aniseed told me that Jasper was right beside me. I would recognise his scent anywhere. It was simply more concentrated than it had been three days ago.

The other two scents must have belonged to the nomads that had been present during my change. For two days they had stayed by my side, comforting me with stories from their days in the southern wars. It was all a bit blurry now. There was so much that I couldn't remember.

After a brief internal debate, my curiosity won out. The moment I commanded my eyes to open, they complied automatically, and I was instantly staring into Jasper's amused face.

"Welcome back, Miss Swan," he drawled. The grin on his face was so charming, that I forgot about everything else for a few seconds and just serenely stared at his handsome features. Jasper had always been nice to look at – all of the Cullen men were. But this was different – he was _beautiful_ now. Every inch of his exposed skin was littered in scars that I hadn't been able to see before. Well, I could certainly see them now. All thirty-six of them.

"Don't be alarmed, Bella," he whispered. "I can see you looking at my scars. I won't hurt you."

I furrowed my brow in confusion and took a deep breath, inhaling another myriad of beautiful scents as I did. "I'm not afraid of you, Jasper," I murmured. I was momentarily stunned by the sound of my own voice. My whole life it had been coarse and gravelly, but now it was silken and smooth. It twinkled and chimed like _bells_.

Jasper, meanwhile, seemed extremely relieved that I didn't fear him. He offered me his hand and I took it, wanting to sit up and see my new world with my stronger eyes. As soon as I was standing, I glanced down towards my own skin which was blemish free and pearly. There wasn't a single mark remaining from any of my many accidents. I flexed my hands and felt the raw power that ran through them.

"Isabella Swan. My favourite clumsy human," Jasper whispered. "How does it feel to be the strongest person on the planet?"

"The strongest?" The idea seemed insurmountable to me. He nodded and offered me a small smile.

"You look very beautiful, Bella," he added quietly. "No bite scars to mar your pretty skin, either."

I bit my lip, knowing that if I _was_ still a human, I would have been blushing under his intense gaze. "Edward's going to freak the _fuck_ out, Jasper," I whispered. "We're talking about a full on bitch-fit, with nose pinching and hair tugging... If you ever want to go home to your Alice, you'll have to practise shielding your thoughts."

There was a loud burst of laughter from across the room that had me deep in a crouch in a millisecond. I growled loudly at the red-eyed nomads just as Jasper tackled me. His arms restrained my hands behind my back, forcing me to raise out of my defensive crouch. A small part of my brain realised that I could free myself from his grasp very easily, but I also knew that I _shouldn't_. This was _Jasper_ holding onto me. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt me.

"Easy, Bella," he murmured reassuringly as his grip loosened a little. "They don't share our diet, but they're good people, darlin'. They came all the way out here to help me keep you safe."

Well that was a conflicting statement if ever I heard one. Good people that slaughter humans? Yeah. Really nice, Jasper. They're practically a poster for humanity.

Even though I was repulsed, I bit my lip and smiled, shielding him from the truth of my feelings. Right now I was in no position to be picky. I owed Jasper my life. All I could do was hope that Count Creepy would take his equally eerie wife and leave as soon as humanly possible… _vampirely_ possible? Whatever. Just _soon_.

"Bella? I would like you to meet my friends, Peter and his mate Charlotte. They won't hurt you," Jasper continued.

I ran an appraising eye over both of them and relaxed my stance just a little. They seemed completely calm and surprisingly, I didn't feel particularly threatened in their presence. A small part of my brain instinctively _knew_ that I could dispose of them with ease if I needed to. They may have experience in battle, but I was stronger. _Much stronger._

The little one, Charlotte, smiled at me and I felt myself returning the gesture - which was ironic considering the fact that their choice in diet made my skin crawl. The whole thing was very conflicting and my mind just couldn't seem to concentrate on one thing for long enough to work out how I felt about it.

I knew one thing, though. I didn't trust them. Right now, I only trusted Jasper.

"Hello, Bella," the young girl smiled. "It's nice to meet you. I hope you don't mind that I changed your clothes. The men weren't in the room at the time, obviously."

I glanced down at my outfit and noticed that I was suddenly sporting designer jeans, but before I could speak, Charlotte's mate jumped forward and grinned at me. "Well, if it isn't Bella Stubborn Swan. I thought you were never going to wake up, Munchkin!"

I shot Jasper and nervous glance and he came over to stand next to me. "He's mad but he's harmless. I think the vampire transformation may have addled his childish brain."

I wanted to mention that his human prey don't find him particularly harmless, but I was too busy giggling. I had never seen a playful side to Jasper before. He had always been so reserved in the Cullen home.

"It's nice to meet you both." I tried to sound sincere, but honestly, I wasn't sure what to make of them. I didn't want to be _rude_ – not when I knew how much Jasper valued their friendship, but I wasn't comforted by their presence. They made me feel uneasy.

"Come back to me, Bella," Jasper murmured. "Concentrate on my voice."

I snapped my gaze to his in confusion and wondered what I had done wrong. Come back to him? I hadn't gone anywhere!

"You zoned out completely," he answered, reading the puzzlement on my face. "I realise that this must be very strange for you. You'll feel better once we've taken care of your thirst. But first, will you tell me how you're feeling right now? "

"Can't you just read my emotions for yourself?" I asked.

"Well, I would do that, but I can't feel anything from you, Bella," he answered uneasily.

"You can't _feel_ anything?"

"No," he mumbled. "You're like a void. It's as if you're not there at all."

I stiffened, immediately wondering what the hell could have gone wrong during my transformation. Was nothing in my life ever simple?

"Bella," Jasper cautioned as he stepped closer. "It's okay, darlin'. It's nothing to worry about. I didn't mean to scare you."

"What's wrong with me?" I grimaced. "Why can't you feel my emotions?"

"I don't know, Bella, but I'm really not all that worried. You were gifted in your human life, remember? Edward couldn't read your mind even then. I'm sure that this is something similar."

"You mean like a gift?" I confirmed. "You think I might have a gift?"

"I would be very surprised if you didn't, but would you please come down? I can't help you if you're all the way up there."

I glanced around the room and realised in sudden horror that at some point during Jasper's revelation, I had launched myself up to the ceiling and was clinging onto the wooden rafters.

I didn't even remember _moving_.

"How?" I whispered, dropping to the floor. "I didn't move…"

He took a step towards me and pulled me into his arms. "You're a vampire now, Bella. I frightened you. You acted instinctively to protect yourself, that's all," he cooed gently. "I know that this is all very new to you, but it will get easier, I promise. You just need to allow me to teach you."

I nodded and held onto him even tighter. Right now, he was all I had in the world. I had to trust him to take care of me.

"Now for your first lesson, little darlin'. We're going hunting."

_Shit._

I allowed him to tug me from the room, but in my mind I was terrified. I had always wanted to watch the Cullen's hunt, but now that it was actually happening, I was rethinking that request.

"Don't look so scared, Munchkin," Peter smiled as he stepped outside. "It's as easy as breathing." He took off over a rocky ridge with his mate running quickly after him, leaving me alone with Jasper. If I was honest, I preferred it that way.

"Okay," he smiled. "I can see that you're a bit anxious, but Peter is right. There really is nothing to hunting at all. I would explain it step by step but you won't need me to. It's instinctual – your body will know what to do faster than your mind can keep up."

"Okay," I whispered. The tremor in my voice was obvious, but thankfully, Jasper had enough tact to not comment on it. "Race?"

That was all he said before he literally _jumped_ off the edge of the mountain. My feet propelled me to the edge, just in time to see him land about forty feet below me. He raised his heard and smirked at me before tipping an imaginary hat in my direction.

"It's instinctual, Bella," he whispered. "You just need to let go of Isabella Swan."

"But I am Isab-"

"No," he countered. "You're not. She _died_, Bella. She died of hypothermia back in Forks. You have to let her go…"

A feeling of immense sadness washed over me, but I pushed it away. I had two choices here. I could embrace my new life with open arms, or I could allow the bitterness to overwhelm me. An image of Rosalie fluttered through my mind and I recoiled from the thought. Our circumstances were very different – her entrance into this life had been _brutal_, but I knew that I didn't want to end up like her. I didn't want to hate everything I saw, simply because I couldn't forget the things I had lost when my time as a human ended.

I had been forced into this life. The threat of Victoria left me with no other option, but that didn't mean that I couldn't be thankful for it. Without Jasper's intervention, I wouldn't be here.

_This_ was my life now.

Jasper was right. Isabella Swan was dead.

So with my father's face pictured firmly in my mind, I jumped from the ridge and allowed myself to plunge over forty feet to the rocky ground below. The second that my toes touched the floor, I let out a ridiculously girly shriek. "That was _awesome_!" I crowed. "Let's do it again!"

Jasper chuckled and shook his head. "There are plenty more things for you to jump off, Bella. We've got a way to go before we find anything to hunt." He gave me another swift smirk before jumping off the edge once more. "Come on, Bella!" He yelled from below me. I could hear the excitement in his voice and found it rubbing off on me. I had one foot on the edge of the ledge when I faltered. I turned on the spot and glanced back up at the ridge I had just jumped from.

"Goodbye Isabella Swan," I whispered. My voice carried into the wind and I felt a sense of closure. This was it now. It was the first day of forever… and I was damn well going to enjoy it.

I jumped after Jasper and we ran, hand in hand down the mountainside. Peals of laughter continually poured from my mouth as I skipped and hopped and _soared_ through the air. I was about to turn my head, intending to seek Jasper's reassurance that I was doing okay, when something shifted.

In a far corner deep in the confines of my new mind, I noted the sound of something wet, thumping in the distance rhythmically. The melodious pulse caused my feet to alter their direction, heading east now, towards the curious sound.

"That's it, Bella," Jasper encouraged. "Just follow your instincts. I'll be right beside you the whole way."

I ignored his comment and pressed my feet more firmly into the ground, propelling myself so fast that I was practically _flying_ through the air.

The wind shifted, bringing a new scent towards me. I inhaled deeply and sped up again, eager to find the source of this glorious fragrance. The footfalls of the vampire behind me grew quieter as I widened the distance between us. I was almost there now. _So close_….

OooXooOooXooO

"Bella, darlin? Are you okay?"

I glanced down at the carcass in my lap and sighed. "I feel better," I answered quietly. "I feel full… sloshy."

He chuckled and crouched down to my level. "Well, I'm not surprised, honey. You just drained an entire herd of caribou."

"I _did_?" I rubbed my face in confusion. The last thing I remembered was running through the trees, having the time of my life.

"You were in bloodlust, Bella. You won't remember anything when you're in that mind-set," he explained. "When we hunt, we let our guard down completely. We feed with our predatory senses, not with our rational minds. As you get older, for lack of a better word, you'll become more aware when you hunt – but you'll never be completely mindful of your actions. "

"Okay." I didn't know how else to answer him. To be completely honest, I was absolutely overwhelmed.

"Come on," he encouraged. "Let's get you back home and we'll talk some more, okay?"

I nodded and stood rapidly, disappointed to see that Peter and Charlotte were waiting for us on the other side of the clearing.

"We should just go ahead and leave, Jasper. She doesn't need us here. She's a natural," Peter teased.

_Yes, please feel free to do that. You just go right on ahead and leave. I'm sure there's a whole town of men, women and children nearby just waiting for you to slaughter them. Asshole. _

I smiled in response but stayed silent. I couldn't help but think that this would all have been easier to deal with if Edward had been here. I pushed that thought away and reminded myself bitterly that he _could_ have been here. He walked away without as much as a backwards glance. My only comforting thought was that if I ever _did_ see him again, he would actually feel it when I punched him in his no-good, rotten, lying face.

"He's right you know, Bella," Charlotte said gently as she moved alongside me. "I've never seen a newborn vampire with so much control before. You're behaving like you're _years_ old – not hours."

"Mmhmm," I hummed noncommittally. Jasper seemed to notice my distress and raised an eyebrow questioningly. I shrugged, not wanting to say what I was really thinking about his friends. I didn't think that they would be too happy if I told them that though I was grateful for their help while I burned, I actually couldn't stand the sight of their happy homicidal faces. Yeah, that probably wouldn't go down too well.

"I've been thinking about that," Jasper added. I had never been more grateful for his subtle tact in my life. "I think that it's because you were prepared for your change in a way that none of us were. You already knew most of the habits that a vampire adopts. Between Edward and Alice, I don't think we managed to keep a single secret from you," he chuckled.

I tried to cast my mind back over my human life, but came up short. I could remember certain people and major life events, but anything less important was forgotten. I simply hadn't retained the information. I should have had eighteen years' worth of memories, yet I could only recall things that had happened since I had come to forks – even that was blurry and confusing. "Was I inquisitive as a human, then?" I pondered.

Jasper laughed loudly and bobbed his head in a jerky movement that was hindered by his amusement. "You have no idea," he drawled. "You steamrollered into our lives and vehemently refused to leave even after you found out that we were vampires. You didn't pay any attention to a single warning from any of us. You wanted answers and you weren't going to stop until you got them."

I scrunched up my face in dismay. "That sounds awful," I mused. "Why didn't you all just tell me to leave you alone?"

Jasper stopped abruptly in front of the house and gazed at me in surprise. "Because we _love_ you, darlin'," he whispered in shock. "Surely you knew that?"

"I thought you might have done… at one point," I whispered. "But then you all left, and Edward said-"

"No, Bella," Jasper growled. "I don't want to hear another _word_ that Edward said. It was all lies. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? None of it was real, Bella. None of it."

I bit my lip and tried to shake the doubt away, but I _couldn't_. I physically couldn't make myself believe him. They had left me to face Victoria all on my own. I didn't really care if they knew that she was hunting me or not. That wasn't important. Either way, their departure had cost me everything. I had been forced to change into a vampire because it was the only way I could protect myself. I had lost my father, my mother, my friends, my humanity – how was I ever supposed to believe that they loved me?

"I believe that _you_ care for me, Jasper," I whispered. "I believe that much."

"What about the others, Bella? They love you too."

"Not enough to come back," I sobbed. "None of them came back, Jasper. If you hadn't…. If you hadn't…"

He raced over to me and pulled me into his arms, rubbing my back soothingly. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have said anything. You've got enough to deal with," he cooed. "You're safe now and that's the most important thing. Put the Cullen's out of your mind. We'll worry about them another day, okay?"

I nodded into his chest and pulled away, realising something important. "Jasper? You feel _warm_."

He laughed loudly and bobbed his head. "I can't keep you on one topic of conversation for more than a second. That's the second time you've said that to me this week, Miss Swan," he chuckled.

"Whitlock," I mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"You said that I need to let go of Isabella Swan," I explained. "I want to be a Whitlock…. If you'll let me."

I had expected him to be surprised, but he actually _beamed _at me as though I had just given him the world. "Isabella Whitlock," he tested. "You know, Bella, I think I like the sound of that. Isabella Whitlock... It has a nice ring to it," he mused.

He let go of my arms and stared at me intently. All traces of humour left his face when he spoke again. "I would be mighty proud to share my name with you, Bella. You're the only family I have left, and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that I don't let you down again."

The absolute sincerity in his voice was disarming and I found myself reeling from his honesty. "Thank you, Jasper," I answered shakily. "But you have more than repaid any hurt you caused when you left, by saving my life."

"I didn't-"

"Please, Jasper," I interrupted. "We both know that Victoria would have killed me in that airport if you hadn't intervened."

He seemed uncomfortable with my praise, but I needed him to understand that I had forgiven him for leaving. I needed him to believe that I had forgiven him the moment that I heard that he had been searching for me.

"I don't want to dwell on the past any more, Jasper. The Cullen coven may not be here, but we're doing just fine on our own. I want to concentrate on the future, and right now, that means going into the shabby-chic shack you've brought me to, and working out what we need to do to fix it up. Heaven forbid a _Cullen_ should have to live in anything less than the absolute best," I teased, glancing at the old cabin.

"Whitlock coven," he whispered.

"Hmm?" I murmured distractedly. The house really did need a lot of work.

"I want us to be the Whitlock coven…. If you'll allow it."

I turned slowly and was met with a sight I would never forget. Jasper seemed _nervous_, like he was preparing himself for my refusal. _Too much time around Alice..._

"Well then, oh _great_ leader. We had better get inside," I smirked as I bowed dramatically. "Heaven forbid that that a member of the _Whitlock_ coven live in anything less than the absolute best."

"Yes, Ma'am," he chuckled. "It'd be my pleasure, little sister."

He offered me his arm and we strolled into our new home just as the sun set beneath the mountains. For everyone else, it symbolised the end of another long day. But for me, it marked the beginning.

Today was the first day of my forever.


End file.
